Thursday, May 11, 2006

I think that I might be a hypopregnanciac. This is a condition that is similar to hypochondria, according to the Encyclopedia Erinnica. I think I have about a 1% chance of getting pregnant, but I consider the possibility of getting pregnant way more than that 1% should require.

I recently read on WebMD (yes, I went to WebMD and looked up pregnancy) that the earliest signs of pregnancy are fatigue and the need to pee a lot (because of the hormone that is being released in the body when you get pregnant). I can experience either of those signs fairly often, for any number of reasons. Drinking tea does make you need to pee, amazingly enough. And not getting enough sleep at night can make you feel tired! Imagine that! But of course my thoughts now go to this other possibility. My first worry is that somehow I will get pregnant, and continuing to take the pill will cause me to kill this little life inside of me. Part of me wants to take a pregnancy test like once a week just to make sure that I am not in danger of killing my unborn child. I don't even know if it's possible to do that by continuing to take the pill- I should probably ask a doctor or something.

I think there is a possibility that I am being somewhat irrational.

It doesn't help that, now that I am married, I get lots of comments about pregnancy. Every time I feel a little ill in the morning, I am told that I am probably pregnant. This does not bode well for a girl who is already well on her way to the Land of the Loony Toons. It is also not good for me to toy with this possibility, because it puts me on an emotional roller coaster every time about our future and finances and being a family and how will I be as a mother and will I still be able to have a job outside the home and OH MY GOD. Yes, my biological clock is ticking, but my career clock is ticking too. I now fully appreciate the dilemma that women face when trying to balance career and family. I want to continue to work after I have children, but I have also worked in daycares, and after seeing the kinds of things that go on in those places I would be very apprehensive to take my children to one.

We are planning to wait a while to have kids (just to remind any family member who may be reading this and getting their own biological clock ticking in honor of me). But every time I wonder why I might have to go to the bathroom again already or why I might be yawning, I am again faced with all of these life decisions, and all of my maternal instincts, and the roller coaster plummets again.

1 comment:

Courtney said...

Grady was a "patch baby"(I am sure that helps yo feel 100% better) I did not know I was pregnant until I missed my period (which should have been right on time the week I took off the patch)so I wore the thing for like the first 5 weeks of my pregnancy. What I was told, is that if the embryo survives long enough to make a pregnancy test positive, the pill(patch) shouldn't hurt it as long as you stop taking it ASAP. I doubt you are pregnant if you are doing everything right (we weren't). But if you are really nervous, the dollar store sells tests, cheap reassurance. Here's a fun website for when you DO start trying By the way, Chris would say that I am also a hypopregnanciac.