I feel like I need to acknowledge the conflict that is going on in the Middle East. For posterity- I want to be able to look back and see how I felt about it and what Mike and I went through. For catharsis- maybe if I try to formulate my thoughts then I will feel better about things. But I feel like if I start to talk about it, my thoughts will go on for pages and pages.

I am coming to believe more and more strongly that my own beliefs and ideals and hopes will never ever fit into any kind of political or international relations philosophy. I am personally a pacifist to the extreme- I don't want my kids to have toy guns or make gun noises, and violence of any kind just cuts me to the core (except in movies- for the most part I can separate that into the make-believe category and I can appreciate things like martial arts or tactical strategies or whatever). But I am hoping that what is going on right now in Lebanon, Israel, and Gaza will begin to make everyone think twice about the way certain countries are handling terrorism (and all of the other agendas that they have in going to war).

I am so tired of hearing the broken-record cliche that "Israel has a right to defend itself". Is this becoming comical to anyone besides me? Can you really characterize what they are doing as defense anymore when it is so clearly an unbalanced fight? If military force really is the only option for maintaining peace, then it's just going to go on forever and ever. Israel (and the U.S.) are just making more and more people angry, and it's only a matter of time before there is more retaliation. Unless these powerful countries gain control of all of their enemies and subdue them completely, they are just going to have to continue to fight. It's a lose-lose situation.

I would really love to see some leadership with integrity around these parts. It doesn't seem like Bush can talk without sounding defensive, maybe because he knows how asinine his actions have been. I don't know. And it scares me how leaders can justify all of these actions with religion (some say that what is happening right now is fulfilling prophecy). It scares me because I've been in that camp before, and it's not exactly intellectual.

Mike's family in Lebanon decided to move north in the last few days to get out of the worst of it. This time around, I feel all of this so much more closely because of the family that I am worrying about and the people that I feel close to just by proxy. But I do think that the Israelis are victims also- everyone in that area seems to be victims of rage, extremism, and pride. It's hard to watch.

This week has been pretty awful for many reasons. I wanted to write a blog about our trip to SLC last weekend, but I don't feel like it. I will say that the hotel we stayed in was amazing, and we had a grand piano made out of chocolate waiting for us when we got to the room. I am trying to include the picture of it, but I'm having issues.

Unfortunately, no Sundance goodies for me. But we had a great time, and I got better at "networking", which was my big accomplishment for the weekend. The Mormon Temple is a pretty impressive piece of architecture, but it had walls around it, which seemed weird to me. But it's another city to add to my list.

My flip flops are about two sizes too big for me. Every time I look down at them, I feel like a clown that is flip flopping around in fashionable clown summer wear. I have no idea why I bought shoes that are way too big. It is possible that my feet have shrunk in the last few years, but it is much more likely that I had to have these comfy Teva flip flops, and this size was the only one close. I think that somewhere lurking inside of me there is still a 6-year-old who has to have things. How annoying.

My boss called this morning to say that she wouldn't be coming in. She assumed that I had heard the news, but because we got home from Salt Lake City in the evening and then decided to watch a movie, I was shocked to find out that 3 UW students died violently sometime Saturday night or Sunday morning. One of the students was her daughter's friend. It's horrible to hear about something like this.

There are very few details at this point, but the local news is stressing that the community is not in any immediate danger. That stuck out to me, because it's rare to find a town that does not experience this kind of thing often enough to just be used to it in some ways. Most communities cannot make the claim that they are still safe, because some other horrible thing is most likely going to happen again soon. But I don't think Laramie has seen much violence since Matthew Shepard died several years back.

In any case, I am keeping my eyes peeled for more details, and my prayers go out to the families and friends of these young people. I can't help but wonder what was going through their minds, or what plans they had that were cut short- even just plans to sleep in, or to go on a vacation, or talk to their parents. Everything is so fragile.

I feel a little shifty and Enron-esque when one of the things on my work to-do list is "shred documents". But I guess everyone shreds documents, it's the content of the shredded documents that matters.

My husband is totally the best. Last Friday he finished his first real college teaching experience, and concurrently ended four weeks of long hours of preparation, late nights and early mornings. So on Monday night, to show his appreciation of my having taken over most of the housework, he made me pasta. From scratch. I came home from work to find flour everywhere, the radio blaring, and my husband trying to mash down the sides of little raviolis with a fork. He says he'll never try that again and I don't blame him. It looked pretty tedious. But it was delicious, and I definitely loved the surprise. Some guys expect their wives to do all of the housework, but my husband not only helps with it, he also makes sure to thank me when he can't help because he's busy shaping young minds. Sorry ladies, I got him first.

With more free time on our hands, we've also been able to just hang out with each other. We went miniature golfing, and saw a play last night. Tomorrow is Mike's birthday, and we'll be in Denver for that. Then it's on to Salt Lake City for the weekend for my job. And we get to go to Park City on Saturday, as in, the place where the Sundance Film Festival is held every year!! I begin to salivate every time I think of it. I really hope they have some cheesy Sundance souvenirs, because really my life will not be complete until I have a keychain or some sort of trinket to show that I have been in the place in which the festival resides. No, I didn't go to the actual event, but I do have this lovely snow globe with the word "Sundance" written on it to commemorate the occasion.

I had two years to go to the Tribeca Film Festival, and I didn't end up going either time. I'm an idiot. Being the movie nerd that I am, I think I would eat up the whole film festival atmosphere. The kinds of movies that are shown, the demographic that shows interest in the festival, it all seems really enjoyable. One of these days I will get myself to Sundance or Tribeca or some other equally cool movie mecca. Maybe we will be living on the East Coast again in the not-so-distant future.

Today's lessons: my husband is fantastic and I need to watch more movies.