EazarSkeazar

just let me finish

2008-05-21T07:23:00.002-06:00

One thing I've noticed is almost a general trait among New Yorkers- their keen ability to be what you might call "active listeners", if you were nicer than I am. I can't stand this about New Yorkers.

Let me explain- it is next to impossible to tell a New Yorker anything longer than three words without him/her trying to figure out what the rest of the story is. "So I haven't finished this project yet-" "oh, because it is pretty complicated and confusing?" "um, no, I just had to work on something else". I have met a few people, natives even, who don't succumb to this weird east coast phenomenon, but by and large it is definitely an epidemic.

I think it has something to do with the general feeling of hurriedness here. I even get sucked in- I could have an hour to get to my train in Grand Central, but as soon as I step foot in that building, I become just another part of the throngs who are hurrying to their tracks- and the minute anyone is going too slow in front of me, it's like a personal insult, and sighs and sidestepping have become a natural part of my daily routine.

Maybe I am a slow talker or maybe I have really boring things to say, but I have experienced this weird tendency in many New Yorkers time and time again. I think I have actually agreed with the incorrect conclusion they come up with on more than one occasion, just out of a feeling of sheer absurdity. "So then I went back to my apartment-" "And a giant alien was waiting at the front door, with a message from Mars saying that you were to be taken back as a human specimen, but then when you got there the Martian king fell in love with you and married you and you had seven Martian babies, three of whom grew up to be successful Martian attorneys, who then argued your case to return to Earth, and then you did, only to find that only ten minutes had passed in Earth time?" "Yes, that's exactly what happened. How did you know?"

as we move towards the objective

2008-04-10T20:42:00.002-06:00

Oh blog, my friend that I have neglected. Where to begin. How to explain. It's not you; it's me.

Well, it seems that every year I have warm fuzzy things to say about the joyful struggle of Lent, and I was not going to let these 40 (or so) days pass without throwing a little nugget of my spiritual journey out there for my friends to chew on. Plus, I thought it was about time to make another past-due entry that begins with some inane joke about how this entry is really past due.

I guess this Lent has been somewhat different for me personally, considering that I began it by making a decision to leave my job. I'm certain that it was the right decision, and it was most definitely inevitable, but the limbo that comes with leaving a job without the safety net of another one (especially when you're supporting a doctoral student) can be a little unnerving, needless to say. However, we make ends meet for now through my being the temp, aka the girl who does the stuff no one else wanted to do/got around to doing. Eh, it's money, and experience.

This year, it seems like the Lenten period has really afforded me some sort of tangible growth as a person. I feel more peace, and I feel more capable of coping. It's been a time of loss, and uncertainty, and struggle (although I know that my loss and uncertainty and struggle is nothing compared to what others may face)- but I feel more grounded, like I can take a step back and look at everything a little more clearly. I'm thankful for that.

I just (finally) read C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity, and am now trudging my way through some monastic literature. And so I leave you with something that strikes home for me this Lenten season:

In Scripture are the words 'I humbled myself, and the Lord hastened to rescue me' (Psalm 114:6); and these words are there instead of 'I have fasted', 'I have kept vigil', 'I lay down on the bare earth'.

St. John Climacus

Sonia Sophia

2008-02-26T18:28:00.004-07:00

People all over the world (quite literally) have been mourning the loss of a wonderful young woman since last Wednesday. I hardly got to know her, but she was the wife of a dear friend of Mike's. I had always taken it for granted that sometime soon we'd make it to Boston to visit her and her husband, and I would finally have the chance to talk to her outside the realm of some official event like a graduation or wedding. Instead, we went to Boston on Sunday for her wake and funeral.

A few people asked me today about the funeral, and I couldn't help but smile and tell them how beautiful it was, which just sums up exactly who this woman Sonia was. I am not exaggerating because of any sentimentality: I have never witnessed such an incredible showing of love and togetherness, and such a huge impact coming from the life of one human being. The church was overflowing, and someone estimated that there were about 600 people in attendance, including 4 bishops and probably 50 clergymen. I learned too late that Sonia started an Orthodox preschool at the age of 21, something I would have loved to talk to her about. It has been in the back of my mind for several years now that someday it would be wonderful to start a parochial school, but I always thought "I will get my Masters first" or "no one would take me seriously until I am older". I was so humbled to find out that Sonia accomplished this feat years ago. And in so many other ways, the story of her life inspired me, and I believe will continue to inspire me. As heartbreaking as it was for the throngs of people to say goodbye to her, I don't think that one person could have left that service without thinking about how they could try to live up to the kind of person that Sonia was, or without the comfort of knowing that she is now enjoying something more beautiful than any of us can imagine.

There are many indications that Sonia knew that her time here would soon be up, and I, as well as many others, were bowled over by the implications of this- I keep thinking that she just really had an ear for God's voice, and probably understood things in a way that many of us only wish we could. Originally I had begun this post with my own complaining and petty cares, and it was nice, and appropriate, to go back and cut all of it out without a second thought. Sonia's life really has affected me in a profound way, and probably will for a long time to come. Talk about gaining some perspective.

are you there, blog? it's me, erin

2007-12-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

The last week or so has caused me to realize how grateful I am that my husband is NOT a high-powered workaholic executive. Sure, the convertible might be nice, but it turns out that having a husband who’s around is nicer. I am sure of this by my experience of the opposite.

This week is finals week for Mike- finals week of his first semester in a doctoral program. I’m not sure I remember what he looks like. No, I am exaggerating completely- but the long hours of staring at a computer screen/giant Greek lexicon (nerd) until he nearly goes blind have been a great reminder to me of how great it is to come home and hang out with him, and talk about our day, make some food together, whatever. I am so glad that this finals week time is not the norm. Of course, the semester of comps is going to be a different story. Possibly a much worse story. I am taking applications for Husband Substitute, a position that will need to be filled in the spring of 2009 (and by that I mean applications from girl friends, so stop judging me).

What is most frustrating is that I can’t do very much to help Mike. Back when we were both in college, at least I could study along with him, and commiseration is a help, right? Plus, we were studying basically the same subjects and working on many of the same projects. But now, I don’t know how much help I can be when it comes to a doctoral paper on the kingship of Saul and how it relates to ancient Judaism versus modern Christianity- at least beyond the realm of some paltry grammar edits. Now, I feel that all I can do is offer to make him some food, or put his laundry away. (Although this may be something that many dutiful wives already do for their husbands, we have a different setup- all the clean laundry gets dumped on the bed, and then we dig out our own and put it away. I would venture that this is a good system, since I can earn some brownie points just by putting away his laundry when he’s busy.)

It’s definitely a tough week for him, and I am trying to keep busy as well, just to promote the whole “aura” of productivity. But I will be none too pleased to celebrate with him when it’s done- at least until the end of April, when round two begins.

carry on my wayward son

2007-11-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've considered myself a fan of South Park, but I happened to catch last week's episode, and was so glad that I did. I laughed so hard that I was crying. Really. Tears coming out of my eyes. For anyone who has played Guitar Hero, or has lived in Colorado, this is hilarious. But even for those who have done neither, Thad Jarvis is still incredibly funny.

Check it out...go to 7:53 if you just want to see Thad-

Thad Jarvis is my hero.

hello again!

2007-11-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

Wow, it has been a fragillion years since I wrote anything on my blog. I guess the main reason is that I have taken a lesson from other bloggers, and refrained from blogging about the thing that I would be most likely to blog about, which is also the thing that is the most dangerous thing to blog about. And when you have negative things to say in a blog about this thing, usually it's better to just keep your dang mouth shut. And that's that. Hope you know what I'm talking about. And no, it's not my marriage. My marriage is real good.

Beyond the negative comments that I will not be making, all is relatively well. We are definitely getting into our routine, and getting used to being New Yorkers again (or at least living among the New Yorkers). I think our social lives have totally benefited from being out here- it feels like we've already made (or reconnected with) a lot more friends than we made in our two years in Wyoming- although we do miss the Wyoming group a whole lot. And how fun is it to get together with friends to watch the Rockies get pummeled from a pub in the Bronx, or try authentic kielbasa at a Bohemian beer garden, or smoke sheesha in Little Egypt? Well, I will tell you, it is very fun.

One thing that I looked forward to so much was a public transportation commute, which affords built-in reading time. So now I can think back on the handful of books that I've been able to read in the last couple of months and provide some recommendations. Number one among all of them: What is the What, by Dave Eggers. I picked up this book almost in disappointment, as I was looking for Eggers' more popular book, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. But What is the What is one of the most beautiful pieces of literature I have ever laid eyes upon- I recommend it wholeheartedly. It actually made me cry! Well, that's usually not difficult, but these were a different kind of tears. Not like the "I've come to know this character so well and now I feel emotionally attached when I find out that they have a terminal disease" tears, but the "society, or the human experience in general, is just so beautiful and disgusting all at the same time" tears. Please, read this book. I'm now reading AHWOSG (as it is lovingly referred to at the top of each page), and so far it is good also. I can't even think of what else I've read lately. That's just how good What is the What is.

My mood has changed entirely with the long-awaited entrance of fall. It seems like it took forever here, and I was very grumpy because of the heat and humidity, but all has since become right in the world. I think I have seasonal affective disorder, only in an opposite way than what one might usually think. (Is it an accident that the acronym for that is S.A.D.?)

The ways in which people happen upon my blog are more than a little amusing to me. Here are some phrases that people have searched for on Google that have brought them to my site: "super cool wow", "facebook statuses", "lahm bajine", "victor garber".

It is my dream to start a knitting blog someday. The google phrases that would bring people to it would probably be a little more run-of-the-mill, although I think I'd like to design a "Victor Garber" scarf, just in case.

looking for my home

2007-10-03T20:24:00.000-06:00

There have been so many blogworthy tidbits in my life recently, but not having the chance to get them down in an actual blog in a reasonable amount of time has caused me to forget most of them. I only know that they were there at one time.

The coming of the fall season has put me in a generally joyful mood- Mike and I have decided that October is our favorite month, for the following reasons: 1)the weather begins to cool off, and sometimes there is rain, and leaves are falling; and 2) the holidays are getting closer and closer, but not so close that they will be gone too soon. This second reason is especially exciting when there is the anticipation of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the Rockefeller tree, the shop windows full of holiday cheer, the Empire State Building standing tall amidst a light sprinkling of snowflakes.

Can you tell that I'm feeling wistful this evening?

There are certain things about this new life that have been bigger adjustments than others. I'm really trying to stay optimistic and feel grateful for the opportunities we've been given, but I'm having a hard time settling into these next four or five years that will be relatively unchanging, at least in the basic ways. Every time someone hears that we've moved from Laramie, Wyoming to Westchester, New York, their eyes get wide, and they say "woooow". But really, they have no idea. It's not just the climate and population density that are different, it's the attitude and the entire way of life. I knew that New York could change a person, but sometimes it still scares me how quickly I settled into the selfishness and lack of concern for anyone around me.

I'm not exactly saying I miss Laramie. I've just got two extremes going on here. Hopefully some day I will adjust, and then my blogs can be about some other subject.

issues

2007-09-18T22:08:00.000-06:00

One of the most difficult things about being anywhere new is the prospect of making new friends. At least for me. I wasn't a military kid or anything like that, so I never had to adapt to the life of re-creating my circle of friends every few years, and from the time I was 6 years old, I lived in the same house and grew up with the same general friends and classmates. Plus, I can be painfully introverted sometimes. I tend to enjoy my time alone quite a bit, but there are definitely times when I just want to call up a girlfriend and hang out.

Lucky for us, Mike is much more determined to actively establish relationships (we would have never started dating otherwise, considering that he thought that I hated him when we first met and got to talking). And lucky for us, some of our past NY acquaintances are still in the area and have made our adjustment much easier.

We are about a 5 minute drive from the seminary that Mike got his Master's from, so we have been over there several times for services, and just to hang out. Last night I went to a women's group that meets on campus, and was really happy to find a group of very welcoming women whose company will probably become the highlight of my week. But I have been actively observing myself in this capacity, and comparing my own actions to Mike's and to others', and I really think I have got some serious self esteem issues. I've noticed that I tend to automatically assume that I am bothering someone if I try to spend time with them or get to know them, and usually I don't initiate any contact with people I don't know very well, thinking that there's little chance that they'd want to spend time with me. When I say this, I realize that it's pretty absurd and basically debilitating, but I just can't get past that nagging feeling.

I can say that all of the closest relationships in my life have been the result of either proximity, or because the other person didn't put up with my weirdness and insisted on getting to know me. This is definitely something I need to get over, and I am thankful that I'm married to someone who is really completely opposite in this regard.

Even just sticking with this women's group and telling myself that I can be a valuable part of it and probably make some great friends will be a good step in the right direction. It's so crazy that I have to talk myself through something like that, but I guess we all have our quirks.

life as a celebrity stalker/scarf-maker

2007-09-09T20:17:00.000-06:00

Although we do not yet have a couch or a bed frame, I am beginning to feel fairly settled here in New York. Apartment is good. Job is good. Things are generally good. And one of my favorite things about New York City happened, 3 times, on Friday. No, I did not get mugged 3 times. And no, I did not eat 3 Coney Island hot dogs. I had 3 celebrity spottings- in one day. In about 3 hours, actually.

The first spotting was somewhat orchestrated, because I knew that there was a major fashion show going on in Bryant Park all week, and Bryant Park is only 2 blocks from my office, and I stumbled upon the show during my lunch break on Thursday. So, like many other people, I hung around outside the main entrance to the show towards the end of my break, first on Thursday, then again on Friday. On Thursday, no one really caught my eye, although I think I may have seen David Spade's brother, who is Andy Spade, who created the fashion line Jack Spade, who is also married to Kate Spade, the famous fashion designer. (It's amazing what a little Google research can reveal.) So anyway, I went back to the show on Friday just in case something interesting happened. And boy, did it ever. I was only there for about 5 minutes when a black Suburban pulled up, and out comes Carrie Underwood, as I live and breathe. Ok, so she's not exactly the number one celebrity I would have chosen to spot, but it was cool nonetheless. And hilarious to see the reactions of those around me- this 10-year-old nearby was nearly convulsing, and a guy next to me, who was about my age, couldn't wait to tell his friend Tyler, who apparently was going to go #2 in his pants when he heard who he just saw. Then there was the lady behind me, who had no clue who Carrie Underwood was, and when she found out, couldn't figure out why everyone was making such a fuss. Funniest response of all. My impression- I'm not much of a fan of hers anyway, and I didn't like that she was smacking her gum, or that she had about 2 inches of makeup on her face. But as always, the spotting itself was pretty exciting.

Spotting #2: on my way to Grand Central to go home that afternoon, I was walking up Park Avenue, which I usually avoid because for some reason that route just annoys me. And I was even more annoyed when I saw a huge crowd that was going to slow me down- until I realized that the huge crowd was watching a movie scene being filmed. Starring none other than Kelly Preston and Robin Williams. I was about 10 feet from Robin Williams, the best part of which was the fact that he is a great character in one of the greatest movies of all time, Good Will Hunting. I tried to take a picture on my cell phone, but was very rudely pushed aside by some lady who said I was going to ruin the shot. Yeah, try filming a scene for a movie one block from Grand Central at 4:30 on a Friday, and see how well it goes.

I'd have to say it was a good start to the weekend, especially after 3 days in a new job that seems to be going pretty well. Apparently, I really like routine, and I don't think I'm too good at creating it for myself, because I have felt so much more purposeful since I started the job. I have a lot less free time, and yet I'm getting so much more done. Go figure.

I also taught myself how to knit, and I am loving it. Just found out that the oldest yarn store in Manhattan is 9 blocks from my office. Loving that. I love to crochet, but knitting is much more versatile and will allow me to make things that are actually wear-able. And I picked up this book (Stitch n Bitch, which I highly recommend to anyone who's interested), that has an introduction about how knitting goes through ups and downs in popularity, but has always been a way to create things and to be fairly resourceful (I now love to look at sweaters in stores and consider the possibility of making them myself). I love thinking about how this craft connects me with centuries of women, and how it makes me feel like I can be more self-sufficient than I had ever thought. Plus, it's just a great way to unwind. I'm working on a practice scarf right now, but socks and sweaters, here I come! All in all, life is being pretty good to me right now.

entirely random and arbitrary

2007-08-29T15:09:00.000-06:00

Last night, similar to the last many nights, it took me forever to get to sleep. And in my sleeplessness, for some unknown reason I was recalling a conversation with Mike recently when we were trying to figure out if there were any New Jersey sports teams. Because I couldn't sleep, and because McSweeney's lists have to be one of the best ways to waste some time, here is what I came up with last night:

The Top 5 Failed New Jersey Sports Team Names:

The Hackensack Hackey Sackers

The Manahawkin Mohawks

The Newark Guys With Too Much Gold Jewelry

The Atlantic City Gamble-aholics

The Jersey City Orthodox Jews

Anyway...I don't know what it is, but it's something. Some of my other recent, Big Apple-inspired musings:

Men cannot achieve even an inkling of masculinity when they wear form-fitting capri pants. And maybe they don't want to.

It is absolutely not ok that 80's fashion is back in style. And I use the word fashion loosely. Any era that I lived through should not yet be making a comeback. And in the case of the 80's, never would be too soon. On the other hand, 50's-era dresses are completely welcome.

Loudly discussing the reactions of your bowels during a recent vacation is certainly not appropriate train etiquette.

In other news, I have a job now, and I start next week. Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow.

to us

2007-08-20T12:55:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow marks two years since Mike and I got married, and it's nice to be making plans that involve Central Park and maybe a Broadway show, because have I mentioned yet that we moved back to New York? And that New York is great? Yeah, I think I might have mentioned that.

And in honor of two years, two years that have been really great, and comfortable, and educational, and genuinely good, I would like to relate something that I have discovered about myself. Something that makes me laugh a little bit. I told this to Mike recently, and I think it's sadly true- I have become a pansy since getting married. I just can't put it any other way.

Before we got married, even when we were dating, and of course when I was single, I was pretty good at being independent, I think. I did a pretty good job of adjusting to whatever city I was living in, of moving myself around and getting to know the lay of the land, and being by myself on occasion, and sleeping in bed by myself, and all that comes with being on your own. I found an apartment in Brooklyn on my own, I drove, and pulled over to look at maps, and drove some more, I was fine being in a house by myself late at night, etc, etc. But now, now is very very different. Of course I know that I could still do all of those things, but I really don't want to ever find an apartment on my own again, I hate sleeping in bed by myself, and I get a little nervous being alone at night.

But if being a pansy means being happily married, then I'll take it. All of the give and take that comes with marriage is certainly very different than anything I ever knew before, and people can explain it to you all they want and it won't sink in until you know it yourself. I think it gives me a completely different sense of self. I'm not myself anymore without Mike as part of the equation. And that's not to say that I lost my identity, or did something that would make a feminist cringe, I just became part of something bigger.

I love that we have inside jokes, I love that we can be silly together, I love that he is my family, I love that it's difficult sometimes, I love that two years has changed us and also kept us so much the same, and most of all, God-willing, I love that we have so much more to look forward to.

start spreading the news

2007-08-12T16:06:00.000-06:00

Finally on the other side of all the anticipation. Well, at least most of it. We've been back in New York for an entire week now, and, all things considered, life is good. After a long 3.5-day trek from Laramie, Wyoming to Tuckahoe, New York, with a few friends along the way and a jam-packed little Honda Civic, we pulled up to our building about midday last Saturday.
I almost feel like we live in San Francisco- the walk down to the building's door is like a 75 degree angle. Should be interesting come mid-winter. But the area itself is great- I had forgotten how great, even though I came over here several times when we last lived in New York.

Across the street is a tiny grocery store, across the other street are a laundromat, a bank, and a Carvel ice cream, and on the next block are Starbucks and the train station. You could not ask for a better location. The library is less than 5 minutes away, and we've got Chinese, Mexican, Japanese, Italian, Indian, and Thai food all within a quarter-mile radius. Plus two diners. And a pizzeria. Holy cow.

The apartment itself is pretty great, too. Lucky for us, the last tenant was pretty bad, so we get new carpet, new kitchen tile, new varnish on the doors, etc. Moving in pretty much sucked, so combining our feelings of not wanting to do that again anytime soon, and our love for this place, it looks like we could be here for a while. Which is a really great feeling.

Moving was made much less easy when it became apparent that I had a cold and started to really feel terrible. All I wanted to do was sit in front of the air conditioner and not move for a very long time, which was pretty difficult considering that for a while there was nowhere to sit, and being anywhere further than 3 feet from the AC unit was pretty much hell. But the cold is over, the apartment temperature is much better, and we have a few pieces of furniture- which means that I can finally say that I really do like where we're at.

But our hurdles are by no means over. I still have not found a job, even though I thought that I had one in the bag until I got an email- addressed to Casey- saying that they had chosen someone else. Professionalism at its best. I have a few possibilities to pursue, and I am really hoping that maybe next week at this time I'll be getting ready for my first day somewhere- but who's to say. In the meantime we're holding off on buying more furniture, and I continue to remind myself that this part is always the scariest, until you look back from a steadier place and shake your head at how anxious you've been.

A few reviews that I can make since the start of our adventure: The Secret Life of Bees is a wonderful book, and it was a great cross-country read. The sort-of Catholic religion that was portrayed in the book, and a 14-year-old's take on it, was really interesting and amusing. We also watched the movie Shooter last week, and although this wasn't exactly my pick, and I wasn't expecting it to be a masterpiece, it turned out to be worse than anything I could have anticipated. Beyond being a pretty crappy and cliched action movie, it turned the main character into a hero for having the same kind of intentions as a terrorist, and it really bothered me to see that glorified under the guise of patriotism and American kitsch. Two thumbs down from Erin. However, Bourne Ultimatum made up for all of my negative feelings towards action films, because it was...awesome. And as one wise woman said last night, it's not difficult watching Matt Damon either. I was always just a lukewarm fan of the movies, but this one tied everything together so well and so cleverly that I just want to go back and watch all 3. Lucky for me, my husband has always been a fan, and I'm sure we'll have the full collection of movies in our possession...and watch them many, many times.

#7

2007-07-25T17:07:00.000-06:00

After several very long reading sessions over the last few days, moments ago I finished the final addition to the Harry Potter series. I won't be giving up any information, so don't worry...but let's just say, I'm in awe. What an incredible story, what a brilliant woman who has given it to the world. And this coming from someone who scoffed at the hype for several years before finally giving in and picking up the first book, only to be instantly hooked.

There are so many nuggets of goodness in these books, so many things I would love to spend hours working through and trying to explain, yet I don't want the magic to be taken away in over-analysis. So I let my thoughts just simmer, as I shake my head in incredulity at the depth in these novels. This is certainly on par with other classics like Lord of the Rings- with many of the same adventurous quests.

I found myself both laughing and crying at so many points in this last book. I felt somewhat silly, especially when I realized that Harry was born in 1980, which meant that he's my age! As if he were a real person, I wonder what he's doing now! But it's just another amazing thing about the books- they truly suck you into their world.

I thought I would be heartbroken, coming to the end of the last book, but it ended in a way that I could feel nothing but satisfied, and grateful that J.K. Rowling had the sense to maintain the magic within just 7 books. And I know that I will read all of them several times over, and never grow tired of the story.

Brilliant, just brilliant.

life together

2007-07-14T11:22:00.000-06:00

"What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are
joined for life - to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each
other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with
each other in silent, unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting."

George Eliot, Adam Bede

I just used this quote for a square on a quilt that we're sending to a friend who is getting married, and I really like it. Especially since George Eliot has probably become one of my favorite authors. It's nice to be reminded of the bigger picture.

2007-07-09T19:39:00.000-06:00

I'm currently sitting on our couch, ignoring the work that I am trying to finish before my time's up at my current job, reminding myself that I also need to help Mike with some packing that's got to be done soon, and as usual worrying about the millions of things that still need to fall into place before we feel "settled" again. I've been staying away from my blog lately, because I know this is the only topic I feel like discussing, and I know it's only interesting to me. But here I go again.... I even typed in "New York" on Google images just now, and found this great photo:

This shot reminds me of everything I love about this place...the nightlife, people walking everywhere- even in the streets, the classic yellow taxi, and the energy that is just constant in a place like this.

We are just three weeks away from leaving Wyoming, and it has not sunk in at all.

I want to say that I am not very sad at all to leave Laramie, but I think part of that feeling is the typical psychological pull to separate ourselves from things that we know we'll have to leave behind anyway. In my expert opinion. However, I really don't think I'd want to come back to Laramie- I certainly would not want to settle here. I'm just too much of a city girl.

All in all, I think the move is going to be great, especially once we have a few more details figured out. There's a part of me that feels this pull to be anchored in one spot, and to have the next ten years planned, and to have steady incomes, and to do all of the things that are part of the stereotype. And yet a bigger part of me still really, really enjoys the adventure. I can feel that part being slowly overtaken by the more practical side, so I'll just resist it as long as I can.

26 candles

2007-06-20T16:16:00.000-06:00

So, we're having a farewell party at work tomorrow (June 21st, also a very important day as it is the day of my birth) for me and the other 4 (yes, 4) people who are leaving their jobs in the next couple of weeks. And my coworker who provides the goodies for these parties asked if I had any goodie requests. I automatically thought of this cake that she makes, that I remember having when I was younger- it's chocolate cake with some cool whip on top, and bits of toffee on it, and caramel or something on the bottom that makes it absolutely delicious. And apparently better than sex for some people, because apparently it is called better-than-sex cake. I've heard of this cake before, but didn't realize that it was this cake that I love. Although, I'm sure there is more than one cake that has been called better-than-sex cake, because it's a funny name, and maybe people just aren't feeling too satisfied in that department, who knows.

Anyway...I am excited for the better-than-sex cake. And maybe tomorrow night I'll get a sex-on-the-beach cocktail, you know, just to fit the theme. Because it's my birthday. Did I forget to mention that?

Leaving this job is going to be sad. Probably the best boss I have ever had- and I am happy to be able to say that, but sad to be parting ways. I've learned a lot in this job.

But at least tomorrow is my birthday.

call me vanilla

2007-06-13T17:14:00.000-06:00

Considering that it snowed in Laramie only a week ago, ew, I was pretty happy to walk out of work today and realize what a beautiful day we're having. Not too hot yet, just perfect.

I also realized that I desperately need some sun. It's already June, and I look as pale as if it were the middle of winter. It's weird, because I used to tan really easily as a kid, but now I'm either white or red, unless I devote a lot of time and attention to being brown. My brother, on the other hand, merely thinks about the sun and suddenly turns two shades dark. I think he's like Puerto Rican or something. Maybe the reason why I want to call him Pablo instead of Scott (hi Pablo!). He got my mom's genes-- genes I used to have, which I have apparently traded in for dad's genes, genes that don't get tan. Kind of a bummer, but as long as I don't start naming dogs after dead French generals, I guess I'll live with it.

I'd like to lay out and work on a tan, but I'm afraid I may cause traffic accidents. Not because I'm laying out and distracting men while they drive, but because the glare off of my white skin might be blinding.

Here's a nerdly image for you: pasty white girl laying on a beach towel, reading Harry Potter.

getting the monkey off my back

2007-06-08T09:48:00.001-06:00

I just performed the necessary online steps to make a (HUGE) final payment on my college loans. It feels a little strange, and not as satisfying yet as I thought it would be. Considering that I just transferred a major sum of money from our bank account to the powers that be at Sallie Mae, I half expected a pop-up window, or something, saying "um, are you sure you want to do that??" But no, they sterilely accepted my payment, just as always, with no "congratulations" or "thank God that's over with, right?" But I know that as soon as the transaction is final, and I realize that I can take the "make loan payment" reminder off my calendar, this is going to feel dang good.

I would celebrate, but now I can't afford to.

i could use a drink. or an antacid.

2007-06-05T13:30:00.000-06:00

Lately, I'm not doing so well at handling the many-things-to-do-at-once phenomenon that is my life. I'm pretty sure that at any moment my brain is going to shut down entirely and I'm going to be reduced to watching the movie Princess Bride. Over, and over, and over again.

I've got all the work stuff of course. With a major event in less than a month. And lots of people I'm supposed to be coordinating the event with who are never available to talk to me and who never return my calls or emails. They have made me dislike an entire town in the state of Wyoming, that's how bad they are. Plus, I need to be ready to pass this office on to my replacement, and train them well enough that they have at least a vague sense of what the heck they're doing when they take this position.

On top of this, I've got to find a job in NY. Yes, call me Captain Whiney Pants, because this is certainly one of my biggest whines these days. We also need to find a place to live. A place to live which will be our living place for possibly the next 4-5 years. That's longer than I've lived anywhere since graduating high school, and I want to enjoy the living place. We've got to find said living place, or at least living place candidates, from very far away. Then spend too much money to fly out there to pick one.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that I will (hopefully) be taking my first trip to Lebanon in July? This is assuming that the situation isn't too bad over there. But assuming that it is not, we'll leave for Beirut about 5 days after I finish my job. I can't complain at all about this trip, because it will be so good to go over there, but the timing isn't exactly ideal. I'm hoping that my jet lag isn't too bad, because when I get back, I'll have about a week on my own to get everything in order and ready for moving. Then Mike will get back from a trip to Vienna, and we'll probably leave for New York just two days after that. There is also a good chance that I will be starting a new job just days after we get to New York, if not our first day there. Let's all say a collective "eek".

I shouldn't have even acknowledged how stressed I feel right now. My stomach has begun to churn.

super cool dance dance wow!

2007-05-31T11:30:00.000-06:00

I've joined the craze. A couple of weeks ago Mike got me a Dance Dance Revolution mat and game for our Xbox. I am a jumping, stumbling, hip-shaking fool. If anyone saw me trying this thing, they'd have a good laugh- but I don't care, bring me some more of those electronic-sounding remixes.

I'm not so sure that this is the best kind of exercise for me, because I think that I have kind of crappy knees. Every couple of years, I will somehow manage to lock my entire leg, so that it is the most unbearable feeling in the world to try and move my leg at the knee. I did this back in the fall, and couldn't move until I had taken about 10 pain killers and warmed up my leg with a heating pad. And after I sit through a movie at a theater, my knees are so creaky that I look like I need a walker to get out of the theater. Cycling is supposed to be the best exercise for bad knees, but a used DDR mat and game are much cheaper than a stationary bike or a gym membership. And I like DDR a lot more- an hour of exercise goes by pretty quickly on that mat.

Another problem might be the stomping noises that go along with this game- something that downstairs neighbors might not appreciate, especially in New York. We'll see how that goes- is this a good enough reason to make a first floor apartment a priority?

My dream is to some day go to an arcade, act like I have no idea what I'm doing when I walk up to that DDR machine, then show up all the little 15-year-old punks who spend their lives on these things. It's like something out of a movie, right? But first I have to get past the stage of clumsily stabbing my feet at the different marks, feebly attempting to have some rhythm and balance.

i threw up in my head

2007-05-18T09:36:00.000-06:00

Song lyrics that I have misunderstood entirely and replaced with nonsensical versions of what I hear:

Smooth Operator (Sade): "smooth operator" became "smooth of a red R"

What's Love Got to Do With It (Tina Turner): "what's love, but a second-hand emotion" became "what's love, but a sack in handy motion"

Tiny Dancer (Elton John): "lay me down in sheets of linen" became "lay me down and she's so gladly"

And finally, the best, all-time craziest lyric replacement I have made, one that Mike will never let me live down, and will always serenade me with whenever the song comes on:

Dolphin's Cry (Live): "love will lead us, alright, love will lead us, she will lead us" became "Lolita's alright, Lolita's shape will meet us"

The only reason I admit these is because they really are hilarious even to me, and I KNOW that everyone has done this (feel free to share your own lyric blunders!). The thing I can't figure out is why people will come up with lyrics that make absolutely no sense (mine being the prime example).

And if you want to get a laugh out of some other lyric mishaps, I discovered a site called Kiss This Guy (in reference to the Jimi Hendrix lyrics "kiss the sky", I think from Purple Haze).

My favorite misheard lyrics by far are, instead of "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednago" (a Beastie Boys song), "smack my midget and then we'll go".

Good times.

am i roger ebert? you bet i am.

2007-05-17T10:32:00.000-06:00

I watched Little Miss Sunshine for the second time the other night- I hadn't seen it in like a year, or whenever it came out in theaters- and I loved it even more this time around. The characters are so endearing, and the crap they go through, while possibly exaggerated at times, is still so much more life-like than so much of what else is out there. Or maybe I am a crazy person who can relate to other crazy people- also a logical explanation.

If you're reading this and haven't seen the movie, I might spoil it for you- although it's not necessarily the plot that drives the movie, I'd say it's the characters' reactions to events.

Right off the bat, all of the main characters are introduced in a sort of montage, and each one is dealing with a situation that seems somewhat larger than life, when in reality each situation could be a part of anyone's life. Dreams of becoming a beauty queen, drug abuse, attempted suicide, an awkward attempt to be a teenager who stands out, and a grand career aspiration that is forced into mediocrity. I love one of the first scenes when the family sits down to dinner- a family consisting of 3 generations related by blood and marriage, and a dinner consisting of a bucket of chicken, Sprite, and a salad that the mother insists be eaten. I can completely relate to the "bucket of chicken" dinners, the family convening from completely different places, and the dinner conversation that is hilariously odd for so many reasons.

The whole movie is a string of events that force the family to deal with each other and with their own struggles- in a way that is a lot less cheesy than what I just described. The best and most comical scene of the movie is the young girl, Olive, performing her dance routine for a beauty pageant. The routine turns out to be essentially a strip dance to the song "Super Freak", and it dawned on me when I watched the film the other night that it was a perfect commentary on the child beauty pageant phenomenon (I could only come to this conclusion after getting over the first-time shock of seeing a 6-year-old do what amounts to a strip-tease). The other girls in the pageant are spray-tanned, hairdoed, and slathered in makeup, and Olive stands next to them, looking and feeling like a "plain Jane". In all reality, the pageant parents have no grounds to be upset about Olive's dance, because it is really just the logical extension of the entire pageant mentality. I LOVE the way this scene played out, it was perfect. Satire at its best.

Of course, the movie ends with everyone feeling a little changed by the events of the weekend, and probably feeling a little closer to each other. But their problems are by no means solved, and on Monday they will have to face them again. The movie was realistic in that way, and on a level that I think a lot of people can understand and sympathize with. Oh yeah, and the horn that won't stop honking just about makes me pee myself every time.

into the great wide open

2007-05-09T14:35:00.000-06:00

My head is so far up in the clouds these days, it's just not even amusing at all. It's the reason why we bought like 6 things at Walmart last night, including avocados, parsley, tortilla chips, and a baby shower gift- and then got Chinese takeout for dinner. It's the reason why I spend way too much time looking at job prospects and nowhere near enough time on the rest of everything else. Mike's plans for the next 4 years are fairly well mapped out, and now it's my turn to figure out what I'm going to do.

I should be very happy that good things are happening- like Mike getting into a program with funding, and me having good jobs to consider and possibly even take, but I'm really nervous, and it's coming on pretty quickly. I have never been the type to get anxious about a move or a change, but I can tell as I get older that I will feel good about settling into a place, and a career, and so on and so forth. I know that even 4 years will pass quickly.

I am very grateful for these opportunities, and I doubt I would have shed tears on the plane leaving NY last time if I'd known that I'd be back soon. Every time I see Manhattan on TV or anywhere, I remind myself that it will be home again shortly. I already have plans for Spamalot, and The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report, and Trader Joe's, and the Japanese place in Tuckahoe, and the Mexican place in Greenwich Village, and....who knows how many other places. I think the problem is that right now, I think there's still too many uncertainties, and too much to finish here in Wyoming, for me to feel ready. Hopefully that will happen soon enough.

But we did see Spiderman 3 last Sunday, and probably over 50% of the audience was kids. We sat next to a bunch of them, and although I was tempted to be apprehensive about them being noisy, it turned out to be the college guys on the other side of us who were the most annoying. The kids were great during the previews- the first being one for the Transformers movie, which I had no idea about until that preview. As soon as the preview started, there were collective gasps across the theater, and whispers of "Transformers!" Then, a preview for Shrek 3 came on (another movie that I knew nothing of until a couple of weeks ago), and the kids all giggled at everything in that preview. It was great- I'm going to make sure to see that movie in the theater as soon as it comes out, merely for the giggles. I really miss knowing all of the happenings in the kid world, and I can't wait to get in on the scene again.

I also got my hair cut last weekend, and discovered the most amazing piece of technology ever created by human hands. Behold the CHI. A ceramic hair straightener. My hair felt like it had been kissed by angels. I couldn't stop touching it the rest of the day! I dropped a very un-subtle hint to a certain husband of mine that this would be the most perfect birthday present- the CHI is not a cheap angel-kissing product, nor are its counterparts, the Sedu or the Solia. Not that I did research or anything.

Anyway, this is my life presently.

cheer, cheer for liberty high

2007-04-24T13:53:00.000-06:00

Every once in a while I will do a check-up on MySpace and look for alumni from my previous schools to see who's new, and who's going to throw me for a loop when I find out that they've now got 3 kids and are on their second marriage. It's, seriously, a lot of fun. Especially looking at alumni from my high school, considering that I haven't seen most of these people in 8 years (holy crap).

It's weird, though, the way that things will come back to me after years and years of not thinking about them at all. Having someone as a science lab partner, having lunch every day with the same two girls for like a whole year, but then not even keeping touch later, heck- I can't even remember a lot of last names anymore. But a lot of creepy high school feelings come back to me quickly in my nosy little search. I even begin to worry what other people might think of me if/when they spot me on that alumni list. Do I look better than I did in high school? (I REALLY hope so.) Do I seem as happy and satisfied as I feel? How many people actually remember me? I can't believe that there is still a part of me that really wants to feel accepted and liked by my high school peers, almost a decade later. Maybe I would have had a chance to escape those feelings for good, if it weren't for this crazy phenomenon called MySpace.

But it is pretty amusing to see what people are up to these days. Some people haven't changed at all- the guy who was obsessed with school spirit way back then is, well, still obsessed with school spirit. A couple of the super popular girls are living up the single life in big cities, some with drink in hand. But some have surprised me. Some people who I thought just pretended to be nice to everyone in high school so that everyone would like them- it turns out that they're actually, genuinely nice, as far as I can tell. But some of the people that I thought would be a huge success haven't really done much of anything and don't seem to have changed much at all. I can say that it looks like several of the girls from my class have had boob jobs. Congrats to them on that, I guess. Nevetheless, it still amazes me that all of these people have had almost 8 years of experience beyond the day when we graduated and looked forward. Many of my classmates are married and have several kids now, or they've got these great jobs, or they're at least older. And maybe fatter. No matter what they've done, they're an 8-years-later version of how I knew them, and it's just plain weird to me. It's weird to me to think how much I've changed, too.

One thing that I hope to remember and to pass on to my children: your high school girlfriend/boyfriend/crush is not necessarily the ultimate model of love in your life. I don't know how many times I've found old crushes and thought "what in the world was I thinking??" I can't count how many times my mom has reminded me that I thought I could never love anyone except my 7th grade crush. What's funny is that he's probably the closest of all of them to Mike. But still- who I've become today could never, ever have worked well with any of those guys that I was head over heels for, and I'm so glad that I didn't have the chance to make any crazy decisions at a way-too-young age.

In the last year or so, the subject of high school reunions has come up in a couple of conversations. I really don't know if I'd want to go to my reunion. High school wasn't horrible or anything, but experiencing those weird insecure feelings all over again makes me feel kind of silly and awkward. For some reason I still can't convince myself that the people I went to high school with aren't 10 times better than me.

mr. rock tells it like it is

2007-04-17T14:04:00.001-06:00

A friend recently wrote about the whole Don Imus scandal, and mentioned the double standard that comes when rappers are allowed to say incredibly derogatory things about women. It reminded me of this great piece from Chris Rock, and I just had to post it. Warning: it is of course incredibly crude, but considering the content, I think it's justified.

HUGE 2BR

2007-04-13T13:49:00.000-06:00

Every now and then (or maybe a little more frequently than every now and then) I glance at Craig's List to see what kinds of apartments are available for rent in the New York City area. I have found some places that I would love to go and look at, but unfortunately it is too early to really be pursuing something, especially when most of the places advertised now will be available by May 1st.

However, I have learned a few things about searching for housing in this way, things that I had forgotten since the last time I looked for a place to live in NYC:

1. Writing a headline in all caps is about as appealing as listening to a used car salesman scream about his Cadillacs for sale. Water view sounds much nicer than WATER VIEW, I promise. Indoor voices on Craig's List, please.

2. "Cozy" can sometimes be a euphemism for "make sure you don't make any sudden movements, else you're liable to smack your head into a wall or swing your arm around and break a lamp". I learned this one from Mike. And considering that I managed to break a lamp cover with my arm the other night in our very spacious living room, I don't think cozy is the best idea for us.

3. Grammar is important when describing a place. Consider the following:

If you are interested in these living quarters Please leave:

Name
# you can be reached {PLEASE LEAVE}
# Of occupants Salary

A comma would have been really helpful in that first sentence, and after the second "PLEASE LEAVE", I began to wonder if the one posting this was trying to send subliminal messages to the voices in their head.

4. Some people are willing to rent out the one and only bedroom they have and sleep on the couch, they are so hard-pressed for money. I actually didn't forget this piece of advice, and I doubt I'll ever forget the conversation I had with a woman: "this apartment has a really nice bedroom, plenty of space and everything. I sleep in the living room." "Did you say you sleep in the living room?" "YES. It's not a problem, okay? You'd barely even notice me." I feel like my life is richer, having that conversation to reflect on.

I have to say that I am ecstatic to not be apartment-hunting on my own this time. Or moving. Last time I borrowed a friend's 16-passenger van, loaded all my crap into it, and drove it from Princeton to Crestwood, then from Crestwood to Brooklyn. I honked at a guy who cut me off during that trip, and for a split second I was pretty sure he was going to get out of his car and have a word with me. Talk about having your life flash before your eyes. But this time around, at least I'll have the deacon to protect me.

times they are a-changing

2007-04-10T21:29:00.000-06:00

On March 31st, just before Holy Week, Mike was ordained a Deacon. This last week has pretty much been a blur. Holy Week is always an intense time, but when your husband is also making his way through his first week of clergy service, and you spend more time in church than you do anywhere else...phew, I'm still exhausted.

But what a beautiful time it has been. The ordination service made a lot of people in Casper (and a lot of Mike's family) overwhelmingly happy and proud and excited about where Mike is headed. When the deacon vestments were pulled over Mike's head, I was a trembling mess of tears and joy. I know it's hard for many to understand, especially if they are not religious, and even if they are and their church has deacons, because the Orthodox Church just has a whole other approach to the deaconate. But I'm not going to get into that here.

Of course this is all fairly new to me also, having been Orthodox for only 5 years. I feel a little strange holding the hand of a man in a collar, and I blame it on these Western notions that are still stuck in my head about celibate clergy. I don't know why they're still stuck in my head. I was never Catholic, and I've spent plenty of time around married priests and deacons. Maybe I'm worried that people will think I'm involved in some sort of scandal when I have my arm around the waist of a man who surely must have taken a vow of celibacy. It's a little funny to me to think about the kind of reaction we might get when we're out together.

Anyway....life is changing quickly, and I'm trying to keep up. Deacon Michael just sent in his official acceptance of an offer to the PhD program at Fordham University. Which is in the Bronx. In New York City. Which means we're moving back. In only a few months. And I will again be living in New York. Near Broadway. And Chipotles as far as the eye can see. And yellow taxis. And people yelling. And lots of culture and things to do. And humidity. Oh, sweet humidity. It has not sunk in completely that we will be back there, but I do get butterflies in my stomach just to think about it.

One huge blessing is that we are headed to a place that is teeming with the kinds of jobs that I am looking for. I've decided to pursue development research and writing, and hopefully take it into a freelance situation where I can work from home and decide my own schedule. Then maybe, just maybe, someday we can have some babies, and I won't have to leave them in daycare all day, but we'll still be able to afford crazy extravagant things like diapers and food and clothing. It's almost too much to hope for.

Shamassy Irene

2007-03-28T12:08:00.000-06:00

It feels like adding a new post to my blog is somehow pushing Eric aside, allowing him to become a part of the past and allowing me to move on with my happy, carefree life. I've been nervous to write anything, but I also didn't want to dwell for too long on the sadness of losing a friend, because rejoicing in who he was and living my life accordingly seems like a much better way to honor him. So I think that I need to acknowledge him one more time in this space, and in some vague way acknowledge what I've learned through his death.

Some individuals who read my blog won't have any idea how the thoughts that follow are related to acknowledging a friend's death, but that's okay, because hopefully my thoughts will still be important and relevant to the lives of those who read this.

My husband is going to officially become a leader in the church (a deacon) this Saturday. The prospect of this is much more sobering than I expected it to be. Of course, we are both overjoyed, and it is wonderful to have people come up to us in church with congratulations and hugs and smiles, and I am so proud of him and I deem him worthy (axios!). But after seeing how power in the church can be abused, I am fervently praying that neither one of us will ever take this role for granted, or forget what it means to be looked up to by many others. Obviously no one is perfect, and we will need to own up to mistakes humbly and with repentance. There is just a part of me that fears the kind of mistakes that never go away, the kind that tarnish the lives of many forever.

I had to have a conversation with a psychologist during the arduous process that comes with the pursuit of church leadership in the Orthodox Church. All of it centered around my relationship with Mike, and whether or not I supported him in this decision. I remember telling the psychologist that I didn't want to anticipate this new responsibility with "rose-colored glasses", but at the time I don't even think I fully appreciated what that means. No, I don't want to be a complete pessimist, and go through life in fear of how we might stumble. But I'm trying to remind myself to place above all else honesty, accountability, and diligence. I find myself praying all the time for diligence. It's not enough to make a good decision or to stick to something now, I have to keep it up. I will never forget one priest's advice about how diligence is a day-to-day decision, although now sometimes I wish that I could forget.

This truly is a fallen world, but have you noticed how that makes the good stand out so much more crisply? Certainly I have known church leaders who continue to show me good, even in times when I feel I can barely find it anywhere. I pray that God will allow my husband and I to stand out crisply, as so many others have done for us.

e.j.i.

2007-03-15T13:18:00.000-06:00

. Eric,

This is how I want to remember you. Having fun and being a goof. Making Mike a little uncomfortable.

I hadn't seen you since the day this picture was taken, and honestly I don't really know where life had taken you in the last year or so. But that didn't make the news any easier. Of course we always say this, but I wish I had gotten to know you better when I had the chance.

What I will remember is riding the train to Manhattan with you and Mike and Jacob, and I said how much I liked Anne of Green Gables, and of course I got blank stares from the other two guys, but you wholeheartedly owned up to the fact that you loved Anne of Green Gables growing up.

And I remember going to that sports bar near the seminary, and complaining about my job situation, and you were great at listening and being sympathetic.

And I remember watching the Simpsons with the regular group in the basement of the Germack building, and every time there was something written, on a sign or something, you'd read it out loud. It annoyed me a little bit. But then I noticed myself doing it, so I ate my words.

Your loved ones are really going to miss you. May your memory be eternal.

yikes

2007-03-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

This has been one of the popular ads on MySpace lately. It scares the bajeezus out of me every time I see it- I actually try hard to avert my eyes. I don't know what the heck they did with photoshop to come up with this picture, but this girl is barely a human being anymore. She looks like some sort of crazy alien whose fingers could stab someone to death and whose legs are made of plastic. I swear, it really creeps me out.

And what the heck does alien lady have to do with mystery shoppers? The marketing people aren't even trying to hide the fact anymore that sex sells better than anything. This is what I'm getting from the ad: become a mystery shopper and you too can wear slinky black clothing and have long fingers with painted fingernails- even aliens can be sexy.

That's pretty much what every internet ad does these days (although the alien life form part is pretty creative, I'll give them that). It's especially a problem on MySpace. What the heck am I going to do when I've got teenage kids? It scares me.

alethos

2007-03-07T14:22:00.000-07:00

Wednesdays during Lent are typically church days for the Orthodox. In the evening, the Presanctified Liturgy is celebrated (presanctified meaning that the communion is prepared on the previous Sunday).

I wasn't able to go to Presanctified during the first week of Lent, but I did go last Wednesday. During the service, Lent just kind of crept up and hit me on the head. Of course, I knew it was Lent as soon as Lent started, and many of the changes that come with Lent continued to remind me of that fact, but participating in the Wednesday service brings it all home. The atmosphere (a smaller church crowd, dimmed lights, psalm after psalm being recited, a lenten potluck afterwards), combined with the fact that this service is observed only during this time of year, puts everything into a certain perspective.

This is the sixth Orthodox Lent/Easter that I am taking part in (only the fifth as an Orthodox person), and I am amazed at the progression it has taken in my life. Progression seems like an ironic word to use, because Lent is pretty much the exact same thing every year. In general, all of the Orthodox services seemed strange to me at first, because they don't really change much. The liturgy unfolds in the same way every week, with only a few hymns changing each time. Shouldn't people be bored by this? How do you learn anything? And yet I have learned so much more in the last 6 years than in my whole life. It's the same with the Jesus prayer, a prayer that many use as a meditation (see The Way of a Pilgrim if you're not familiar with it, or Franny and Zooey if you're not into religion books-- just don't pass out trying it). I think it's that sense of focus and simplicity that lend so much to the repetition and constancy. And there is a humility about it that makes it more than just a mindless religiosity.

But I am getting away from what I was trying to say. This time around, I have more excitement for holy week than ever. Yes, I've always had some excitement, but with that always came a little bit of dread about the number of services, and the length of services, especially leading up to the Passion. Now, all I really think about is this week that is so much more meaningful to me than any other time of year. It feels more like the new year than January 1st, because it is the time when I actually feel recharged- spiritually, mentally, and physically.

I realized in reading an article on the Greek Orthodox website that it's pretty ironic (and amusing) that a discovery of bones in Jerusalem would be hyped up during the lenten season. There was a show on last Sunday (produced by James Cameron-- yes the James Cameron who did "Titanic") trying to make the argument that these bones they found were most likely Jesus', and the bones with his were most like Mary Magdalene's. I'm not in too much distress over the status of my faith when all this comes out- partly because I have heard enough of the rebuttal to the show to know how flimsy the research is, and partly because I'm more willing to trust hundreds of years of church tradition than the production of a guy who made a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. But the article I just read was titled "Why do You Seek the Living Among the Dead?", a reference from scripture that is said millions of times in church, and is more poignant during this time of year than any other.

In a few weeks it will again be clear that Christ is risen. Truly He is risen.

confessions of a recovering nanny

2007-03-01T16:25:00.000-07:00

I went to the Internet Movie Database website a little while ago in search of something, and an ad for a trailer on the front page caught my eye. It was for the movie version of The Nanny Diaries, a novel (not-so-loosely based on someone's real experiences) about a girl balancing school and a nanny job in Manhattan. As hilarious as the trailer was, I am a little apprehensive about seeing the movie.

I actually read the book while I was a nanny in New York, and I think my emotions about it at the time (a mixture of very very dark humor, profound sadness, all-too-real commiseration with the main character, and jealousy that she still had a life at school) would come back too sharply if I were to re-read the book, or see the movie.

Nannying is an enigma. Most girls I've met who have been nannies have some pretty bad war stories under their belt. The only ones I know who can truly say they enjoyed it (and I don't mean a consistent, part-time babysitting job- I mean either live-in or at least full time) are pretty much off their rocker. One example: I babysat for a baby girl in Denver one time, and part of the reason I was there was because the main nanny was looking for someone to help her out. That's never ever a good sign, when the main nanny needs help. For one child. But I think she was cutting down her hours. So I get there, and she gives me this run-down that is part interview and part instruction. She tells me about all of her philosophies on nannying (or what looked to me like wannabe parenting). When the baby cried, she ignored her for something like three minutes, to establish the fact that crying was not the way to get attention (because an infant has so many options). The baby was not allowed to watch more than 15 minutes of Baby Einstein per day, and must be "stimulated" by a walk around the neighborhood. Then this girl asked me what my zodiac sign was, because I guess your planets have to be aligned in a certain way in order to be a good caregiver. I should have left right then and there, but I agreed to watch the baby for an evening.

When I went to actually babysit, the baby's parents were the ones to greet me- imagine that. While mom was getting ready, she asked dad to show me where the baby food was. Dad did not have a clue where the baby food was, and I ended up finding it for him. I also got introduced to the baby monitor that was actually its own channel on the TV, along with the monitor-of-the-front-porch channel. Then mom showed me the changing table, including the baby wipes that had their own warmer, so baby's butt didn't get cold in the process of being changed. And even though I was almost positive that someone (probably crazy nanny) was going to watch a video of me after I left, I still let the baby watch an entire half hour of Baby Einstein, and I'm pretty sure I didn't ignore her when she cried. I was never asked back. Darn.

Almost none of my experiences were good ones. Once I was left out in a car with a kid to wait while his mom had a drink with her friend at a restaurant. That same mom had apparently hired me while she was visiting her sick mom in Denver, and had not told her husband that she hired a nanny because he was I guess very much against it (he told her this while he was in rehab for alcoholism), and when we pulled into the parking lot of the hotel she was staying at, she thought she saw his car and completely flipped out. She started swearing and told me to stay in the car and come up with a story as to why I was there. It turns out her husband wasn't there at all (as that would have required escaping from rehab), but I was pretty much done after that. I also had the parents who were way too worried about their kids- like making sure they only ate whole grain pasta, and not painting their nails because of the chemicals. And then there were the parents who didn't seem to understand that they had to be the responsible ones, and as a result their kids pretty much climbed the walls and screamed all day. Within my first 10 minutes of watching 3 kids, one of them had gotten so mad about something that he crushed a Christmas tree ornament in his hand.

Most of these were temporary jobs, or jobs that only required 10 or so hours of my week. But then I decided to take on full-time nannying when I graduated college in order to pay off a chunk of loans and have the ability to live in a big city. Yes, I did pay off a good portion of loans, and yes, I got to see New York in all its splendor, but I really doubt I would do it again if I could go back. I was a live-in nanny, and for 5 days a week, usually about 6:30am to 6:30pm, I was responsible for 4 kids. It was without a doubt the worst time of my life. I should have known that I wouldn't like it, because I had never really liked any nanny job. I don't understand why parents would have kids and then be gone so much, or why a couple with two kids really needs a babysitter so they can go grocery shopping. My mom trucked all 3 of us along when she went to the store- it's manageable. So why in the world would I take a job doing something I disagreed with? I can't answer that question. All I know is that I was capable of breaking down into tears at any moment of any day- and I did, often. The kids were fully aware of the fact that they barely saw either of their parents, their life and their rules were inconsistent, and I barely ever felt like I had any control of any situation. I don't want to get into too much detail, because that wouldn't be very nice of me. And part of it was on me, as I didn't tell the parents a whole lot about how I was feeling. But I was supposed to commit to a year in that job and I only just barely lasted 10 months. It was bad.

So- this nanny movie coming out- I hope I'm able to laugh at it. I'm not yet at the point where I can laugh at that last nanny job. The warmed-up baby wipes, yes; the 5-year-old screaming on a regular basis that she hates her mom or hates me, no. I still notice myself sometimes getting very angry very quickly at petty little things, and I don't think that it's a coincidence that that started after that experience.

But Scarlett Johansen is in the movie, and she's cool.

fast cars

2007-02-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

So, the night before we headed down to Denver to leave for our Europe/Middle East trip back in December, I made a quick last-minute run to Walmart. I needed airplane munchies and a hat and scarf that would keep me warmer than my homemade versions. And since there are very few places in Laramie to find clothing, Walmart wasn't exactly a bad option.

I was pretty disappointed and a little panicked when I checked the section of women's hats/scarves/gloves and found some picked-over remains from the holiday season. If I remember correctly, the only hat I could find was a very fluffy pink beret, with matching scarf and gloves. Even if I had known at that point that I would soon be in Paris, there is no way in Hades that I would have ever willingly worn a pink fluffy beret, anywhere. I hope that the Parisians would have beaten me over the head with a baguette.

I did find a cute fleece scarf, the last of its kind, but I still needed a hat. My next thought was to check the men's section, since I was thinking a beanie would be a good choice. All I could find were baseball caps, and that definitely wasn't going to do the trick. So I finally found the little boys section, which turned out to have a selection of all kinds of beanies for like $5, that miraculously fit my noggin. Having decided against the Spiderman hat, I picked out a plain black beanie that had a little emblem on it, which I assumed was just the brand of the hat. And because I didn't have a whole lot of other options, I happily purchased the scarf and hat I found at Walmart 3 days after Christmas, and wore both for the majority of our trip.

Last time we got together with my family in Loveland, I wore my beanie. At one point, we were standing outside talking, and my dad points his finger in my direction and says "Porsche". I turned around, thinking there was one parked in the parking lot, until it dawns on me that he's pointing at my hat. Turns out that the little emblem on my hat is the Porsche emblem, and I had no idea.

For some reason it's really amusing to me that I bought a "Porsche" beanie without even realizing it. Heck, I'm guessing that any little kid who wears the hat would have no clue what the symbol was. But maybe if anyone recognizes it, they'll just look at me with a little more mystery than they might have. I only wish that it could have been the Mustang symbol.

my bum is on the faaaacebook

2007-02-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Facebook statuses that I could put on my Facebook profile right now, and they would be completely accurate:

Erin is missing Mojo Catering.

Erin wishes it were the weekend right now, except that the weekends always fly by, and she never gets as much done as she wants to.

Erin feels very, very blah today.

Erin thinks that maybe the first week of Lent is kicking her in the teeth, just to make sure she's really ready for it.

Erin should feel joy for Lent, and maybe she does, but it's used up all her joy and left her with no joy for much of anything else.

Erin wishes she could remember the quote from John Chrysostom that was in last Sunday's church bulletin.

Erin hopes the dean's office opens back up soon so she can heat up her spaghetti.

Erin needs to make banana bread with the brown bananas.

Erin wishes something would happen that would get future plans in gear again.

Erin should suck it up and stop being so mopey, because even though she's only been feeling it today, it's already getting old. She should also consider actually putting one of these statuses on her Facebook, but probably won't. Which is actually good, because really she should be working right now.

excuse me while i take my osteoporosis medicine

2007-02-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, when I was looking for some crochet information online, I discovered a magazine. A magazine devoted entirely to crochet patterns. And not the kinds of patterns that grandmas choose to make afghans to adorn the backs of their rocking chairs, no, these are much more modern patterns including sweaters, stuffed animals, cool blankets, etc. I was instantly mesmerized.

I requested my FREE! copy, and soon after, I subscribed. I still eagerly await the days when I will come home from work and a new edition will be waiting for me, so I can pore through the contents and try to decide what in the world I might crochet next. Granted, there are a few negatives involved in me getting this magazine. For one, I have officially crossed over to the dark side. I'm one of those people, the annoying crafty people who devote an entire room to their craftiness (ok, so far I've only got a corner of a closet, but we live in a small house). Secondly, not all of the patterns in this magazine are as "hip and modern" as they claim to be. I'm sorry, but I'm never ever going to think that a mustard-colored fuzzy bolero jacket is cute. Never. Ever. And third, the worst of all, I have somehow been characterized by the mailing powers-that-be as a granny in a rocking chair, crocheting doilies. About once a week now I will get some little brochure or catalog containing patterns for hideous-looking afghans, lacy doilies, and now, it's not even ending with the patterns. Now it has moved to catalogs for general old people products. I'm 25 and a half, and I am getting mail that caters to women who are 85 and a half!

I have proof. Two days ago I received a catalog from this company. Some of the things in the catalog I couldn't have come up with in my wildest dreams, like the extremely frightening "Slimming Shapers" or the thing that makes me wonder how much time people really have on their hands, the "Hair Cutting Umbrella". Unfortunately, I can't get the pictures to save as jpg's, or else I'd have a field day with all of these products on my blog. But if you really want to laugh, I suggest going to the website and just doing a little bit of browsing. And I thought Sky Mall could get outlandish.

But you want to know what the worst part of all of this is? I'm slowly giving in to all of it. The prospect of all of this octogenarian mail doesn't keep me from wanting my crochet magazine. I have plans to teach myself knitting this summer. And I actually thought that this doggy sweater and the doggy wearing it were painfully cute.

I guess, at this point, it's useless for me to fight it.

grammalicious

2007-02-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

It's been several years since I watched the Grammy's, but I watched them almost all the way through last night, and this is what I've concluded: I'm becoming old and crotchety, I am missing out on a lot of the new stuff, but I still like to shake my boot-ay.

I only got to see part of The Police and their reunion, but it only took a few seconds to remember how Sting's voice can melt a girl's heart. Rarr! I would go to that concert in a heartbeat, but if The Police are in fact doing a tour, I'm sure the ticket prices are way overpriced. And Mary J. Blige was holy-cow-incredible!! Her solo performance was actually emotional for me, and apparently for the audience, too. She even upstaged Ludacris with her back-up vocals on his song (at least in my opinion)- I was very impressed, and very happy about her awards.

Anyway, what makes me realize that I'm getting older, is my use of phrases like "the music these days" and "can you believe My Humps was nominated??". Don't get me wrong, I like Fergie-Ferg, and her humps, but not because either is Grammy material. And I actually felt sorry for Smoky Robinson and Lionel Richie when they were flashingly upstaged by some dude named Chris Brown that I had never heard of before last night. And John Mayer? Please cut your hair.

It seems like only yesterday I was rolling my eyes when my mom would say things like that, and now I have become her. Yikes.

And I don't think my lack of knowledge on some of the new artists is really my fault. We really don't have a good radio station here, or cable, so I am missing out on a lot of what's coming out. This will all most likely (hopefully) change by the fall, when we will be most likely (hopefully) living somewhere else. Where we might be living continues to be on my mind, especially as our possibilities narrow and become more clear, but I am determined to keep my mouth shut until we know more. Or at least keep my fingers shut (?) and not mention it on the blog, because I actually do talk about it a whole bunch. Sometimes I think that I will probably get thrown back into the mainstream music full-force when I've got kids who are old enough to press a button on the radio (if my kids are anything like I was). But the kind of music I will be forced to listen to will be the next decade's Cheetah Girls and Yellowcard, if nannying has taught me anything, and only a 13-year-old girl can appreciate that kind of hooey.

All this being said, I've come to realize that probably nothing will ever pull me away from a good beat. By far the best performance of the night was Shakira and Wyclef doing Hips Don't Lie, if only because it made me want to get up and dance. Shakira did this weird combination of belly dancing and Latin dancing (which makes sense since she's half Lebanese and half Colombian). I would LOVE to be able to dance like that. Of course, I'd love to have abs like that, too.

But the best part of the night was the confirmation that the Dixie Chicks received in their FIVE awards. Yes, 5. Including best album, best country album (hah, suckers), and song of the year. It was great to see the risks they took with their "response" album be received in such a positive way.

Mike and I noticed how new rock music must be in a bad place right now, or something, since most of the nominees for best rock album (Tom Petty, Neil Young, RHCP) were all much older bands. Hopefully some new bands will make their way onto the scene, and not suck. I really don't like the weird, punk, whiney-voice bands that have been coming out lately (see: Yellowcard).

In any case, I'm glad I watched and got myself a little more up to date on what's popular these days. Yes, it is very surprising to see acts like Justin Timberlake, Black Eyed Peas, and James Blunt (bleh) be the headliners these days, but we will see how far they go.

hot topic

2007-02-09T10:36:00.000-07:00

The latest news on Ted Haggard has got me thinking. Thinking about homosexuality, and religion and politics clashing, and the Christian church in all of its not-exactly-glorious glory.

Of course, Ted Haggard was a pastor in Colorado Springs who was forced to acknowledge his "dark side" when a male prostitute revealed their ongoing relationship to the public at large. This all happened just 3 months ago, and now Haggard has made a statement saying that he has realized that he is completely heterosexual. And he is going to be a psychologist.

Yeah...I'm not so convinced. First of all, what kind of a qualifier is that, to say you're "completely heterosexual", and why is it so important? And how could it possibly be true after 3 years of an illicit relationship with another man, within just 3 months of being put on the spot for it? Did they drain the gayness out of him with a tube? Does he have a split personality? I'm afraid that all of the assumptions underlying this man's Christian viewpoint have forced him into a corner, where he can either find a new way to repress his feelings, or be more honest and just completely lose his family, his friends, and his mind.

I don't feel qualified to make any kind of statements here about the general Christian stance on homosexuality, but I get so frustrated to see people make arguments in this backward manner, where the conclusion is already there, and we just have to justify it. For example, "homosexual marriage is wrong, and we can see that's true because so many homosexuals have promiscuous relationships or relationships that end". (Um, has anyone checked up on heterosexual relationships lately?) Or, from a different perspective "Christians are idiots to believe in God, because obviously God doesn't exist". I had a professor last year, who was so determined to be right about God and science, that it didn't matter what kinds of arguments he used to reach his atheistic conclusion. At least think through what you're saying before you say it- seriously. I have no respect for this type of debating, no matter what someone's conclusion is. It becomes obvious very quickly that you don't know what you're talking about, when all that matters is this one thing you're sure you believe in.

And this is what I think Mr. Haggard, and other Christians, are doing with many arguments. It is absolutely not an option for him to consider a homosexual lifestyle, so he must try to extract it at all costs. But how safe is he from the situation he just got into at the end of 2006? It reminds me of the movie Saved, and the attempt to "reprogram" the gay character, even if it means that his girlfriend sleeps with him and ends up in the midst of a teenage pregnancy. We can't consider the possibility that there might be another option to this whole dilemma.

I remember a guy from Focus on the Family coming to speak in chapel when I was in college, and he's essentially a "reformed homosexual". He spoke to us about how, growing up, he lived a gay lifestyle, but was basically cured of it and brought into Christianity. In some ways, I guess I'm happy for him. The way he described it, he was obsessed with his weight, was doing drugs, was sleeping around, and according to him this all stemmed from a bad relationship with his father. So if he was able to overcome a bad family relationship and live in a healthier way, then good for him. But of course his Christian mentor saw no other way to reform him than to cure the homosexuality part itself. I just wish Christians would give this more than 3 minutes of their time. And some do, but many don't.

To attempt to be entirely honest with myself, I try to think through different situations that I could be put in and see how I would react to them and why I might react that way. To be completely honest, I don't think I would be devastated or anything to find out that my kid was gay (which is actually a pretty big statement coming from a devout Christian). But also to be completely honest, I don't think that I'd feel comfortable being in a church where members were gay, and fine with it, and practicing, I guess. I definitely don't think I could handle gay clergy. And trying to figure out why I feel that way is a big mystery. Is it because it's just a basic Christian assumption with no backup except history and tradition? Is it because I just really can't imagine an Orthodox Christian church having to deal with this? (Although I am positive they have had to deal with this, I just haven't seen much of it.) Or is it because of some underlying genuine aversion to the idea, which is grounded in more than just circumstance? God, I know how many people I could potentially offend by saying all of this, but I think it's important to be honest and hope that it will stir up some sort of respectful dialogue with people who disagree with me.

I guess all I know is that I'm glad I haven't had to deal with it personally. I really don't know what Ted Haggard is going through, and so I can't judge him too harshly. But I hope that he's not being forced into a corner that he can't maintain. And I hope he thinks twice about becoming a counselor before he's spent more time really learning something from this experience- something I don't think could happen in 3 months, especially when he wasn't the one who decided to reveal the issue in the first place.

Victor Garber Part 2

2007-02-07T09:33:00.001-07:00

And here is Victor Garber playing the very serious Jack Bristow on Alias. He's no longer the savior of the world, but the CIA agent who tries to kill his Russian spy traitor wife, Irina. I don't know why, but the difference cracks me up.

Victor Garber Part 1

2007-02-07T09:30:00.001-07:00

Here is Victor Garber in the 1973 film Godspell...

anonymous complaint

2007-02-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

Letter to the person who laughed at me yesterday when I slipped on the ice:

Dear young man with the stupid face and the stupid laughs coming out of your stupid mouth at my expense,

You are a stupid head. At least I didn't actually fall, so neener neener. What if I had? Would you then laugh even harder? Would you pee your pants? Because that would be funny.

Sincerely,

Someone who thinks you're stupid.

a case of the mondays

2007-01-29T10:02:00.000-07:00

Why is it that, without fail, the grass is always greener on the other side? My life is a walking cliche. Last semester I was swamped at work, longing for the day when my to-do list would be tiny and I could actually take a deep breath. Now that that is actually the case, I am bored to tears. All I want to do is go home and curl up with a book. I am actually afraid to finish everything, because then what will I do?

I doubt that will happen. I'm sure I'll find something to do. But boy am I dragging.

around the world in 2 weeks

2007-01-28T22:25:00.000-07:00

I have been holding out on my blog for over a week and a half now, simply because I did not want to write anything else before recapping our amazing trip to Europe and the Middle East. I did begin a post about that subject, in Word so I wouldn’t lose it because I knew it would be long. But I have already written 3 pages, and I’m on day 3. So I left it for a while, realizing what a time-consuming project it was going to be. And in the meantime, specific memories of the trip are already leaking out of my brain and slipping out off of my earlobes.

So here is my solution: write a more concise recap of our travels, and realize that it may not matter to me ten years from now about how I didn’t sleep very well on the plane. I’m sure I’ll remember that anyway.

To begin with, we arrived in London on a cold Friday morning- a day earlier than expected because of the crazy crazy snow in Denver. My body and mind were so confused by the sheer exhaustion of traveling mixed with the overwhelming excitement and curiosity of being in this new place that I had imagined for so long. We went straight to the bus terminal to find the “Oxford Tube”, which got us to Oxford in a little over an hour. The ride itself didn’t hold too many sights, at least nothing more than green trees (green trees! I forgot they existed!) and strange European cars that I had never seen before. I like the Peugeots and the Smart Cars. And although I wish there were Smart Cars in the U.S., I can’t imagine what horrors would ensue when a collision between a Smart Car and an SUV inevitably happened.

When we got to Oxford, we walked about 1/10 of a mile to the guest house where we were staying, St. Michael’s (fitting, I guess). The middle-aged woman who owned it let us pick out which room we wanted, and we ended up in a room with twin beds and a small sink and television. Yup, we were a regular Lucy and Ricky. We spent our first half-day just taking in all of the architecture. Mike showed me several of the colleges and other favorite places of his, as he had spent 3 months there back in college. We went to the huge bookstore Blackwells, and a small café where I got a lunch consisting of a fried-egg and bacon sandwich and my first real English tea. The tea was of course the best ever, but that could have just been psychological. And for dinner we got “donner” meat at a kebab van, and ate it in the cold wind and drizzle, and it was gooood. Later in the evening we went to Mike’s favorite pub, The Lamb and the Flag, to look at a map of London over beer and soda water (the soda water was mine, of course). That night we were back at the guest house getting ready for bed by 7pm, and the shower I took, the first in like 36 hours, was THE BEST OF MY LIFE.

Our second day was pretty difficult for me. My body didn’t enjoy adjusting to the time difference and the crazy sleep schedule, nor did it like the smell of bacon and sausage frying first thing in the morning. But I tried to ignore it and got on a bus for London. Big mistake. Big. Huge. After a horrible bus ride, an hour or so of Mike waiting for me to wretch in a McDonalds bathroom in London, another hour of hiding out in a fancy hotel lounge where I napped on a couch to try and feel better, we were ready to see London!

Mostly we just walked around and saw sights like Hyde Park (hey! I lived near NEW Hyde Park on Long Island!), and Trafalgar Square- a day before the New Year’s Eve festivities, and Big Ben, and the London Eye at night. Then we headed back to Oxford, and I’m sure wandered around there a little bit for the evening, although I already forgot exactly what we did. At some point we ended up at another pub, The Eagle and Child, where C.S. Lewis and Tolkien used to hang out. I loved the atmosphere there- a nice old pub with lots of big wooden tables (like most there). One thing I do remember is watching a little bit of British TV each night, although half the time they’d be showing American movies like Kindergarten Cop or Man in the Iron Mask. At one point we watched a show where a bunch of people competed to see who knew the most TV trivia, or, who is the biggest couch potato. Not so sure I would have wanted that honor.

On Sunday, New Year’s Eve morning, we walked to the Orthodox Church in Oxford (where Bishop Kallistos Ware presides, for anyone who knows who that is). It is a nice, quaint little church, and it reminded me how much I love Orthodoxy for its constancy and feeling of coming home, no matter where you are. I struggled much more than I thought I would for the first few days of our trip, being in a different culture and being so far away from what I’ve always known. But I think the church helped resolve that for me, hearing those familiar liturgical words and being surrounded by icons. I can’t express how great that was.

By then I had given up on finding any British cuisine that I might like, so we went to Pizza Hut for lunch, saw some more of Oxford, and celebrated the ushering of another new year. We decided to go back to church for a New Year’s thanksgiving service, and on our way, stumbled upon an Anglican evensong service. So, although we had just intended to go pub-hopping that night, we ended up also church-hopping a little bit. There were only a few people at the Orthodox Church, and Bishop Kallistos said some very nice words, and it was the best way I can think of to start 2007. At midnight we were back at The Lamb and Flag, and inadvertently sat in the perfect spot to watch some fireworks outside the window.

On Monday, we left Oxford after breakfast with all of our things and headed back to London. We checked into a Holiday Inn, and I began a fresh onslaught of nagging to Mike to find out what my Christmas present was, a present he had promised me I would get while we were on our trip. But he made me wait until the afternoon to find out. So we walked along the Thames, and stopped by the Globe Theatre, which was probably one of my favorite sites in London. We crossed the Millennium Bridge to St. Paul’s Cathedral, and wandered around for the afternoon. At some point we went back to the hotel for a break, and Mike finally gave in to my nagging. He “gave” me my present by handing me a map to Paris. Paris, the city I have dreamed about since I was little. The city with French people, who speak French, and eat delicious French food. I almost cried. Then I REALLY almost cried when I found out that we weren’t just flying in for the day on our way to Rome- we were staying for two…whole…nights. My husband is the most wonderful man alive. Oh yeah, and he had planned a dinner cruise there. On the Seine. Seriously, do you understand how close I came to peeing my pants?

Needless to say, I was a giddy little girl for the rest of our last day in London. We spent some time in Herrod’s, the famously big department store, which reminded me a lot of the Macy’s on 34th Street in New York. All I really remember now is their big counter full of cheese, and their other big counter full of chocolate- the two main food groups, in my humble opinion. It’s probably becoming clear now anyway, but food ranks very high on my list of important categories with which to rate a city, and Herrod’s probably rescued London for me. Final impressions of London: meh. It was nice, and I certainly would like to spend more time there, but I like NYC and (I was soon to find out) Paris more. London didn’t have the “character” that the other two have: it’s almost sterile-feeling. So, apparently I like dirty cities with good food. I’m odd like that.

On Tuesday morning we headed out early to catch our two-and-a-half hour train to Paris. The weariness of traveling was beginning to catch up with me, and I had a hard time keeping my eyes open for that ride. Luckily the view was mostly English and French countryside, albeit a beautiful countryside. When we arrived in Paris, we had some difficulty getting metro passes on the automated machine, and ended up having to ask the information desk for them. The woman we spoke to didn’t speak much English, and I was quickly put into the situation of having to use the leftover French I remember from high school. I managed to spit out the right words, and get us each a two-day pass. I know this is a small feat, but I really was excited to have actually communicated with someone in another language, one of my favorite languages even. There were many more experiences like that in the rest of our visit, and luckily I never embarrassed myself too badly.

So, we headed to the hotel and checked in, and then found a small restaurant for lunch. I ordered the first thing that my eyes caught on the menu, that’s how much faith I had in French food. And I was definitely not disappointed. I got this salad, with a spectacular dressing whose ingredients I don’t think I could ever guess, with pieces of bread that had 3 different chesses melted and crusted all over the top of them. I am not exaggerating when I say it was heaven on lettuce. With as much as I looked forward to French food, I can say that I completely underestimated it. Every single thing that I ate was magnificent.

That afternoon was very cold and dreary, but we walked around to see a few things and to find the dinner cruise that Mike had planned. And when I caught my first glimpse of the Eiffel Tower from afar, near the Seine, I actually gasped. That’s how much of a nerd I am, and that’s how wonderful it was to see Paris. We began to realize after walking along the river and trying to ask someone for directions that it was going to be difficult to figure out where to go for the dinner cruise. So we began to give up on that idea and come up with other options. Then we walked over to the Eiffel Tower, took lots and lots of pictures, and walked around other sites from there. We ended up at Notre Dame after a while, and I decided later that it was my favorite church in the whole trip. It is gorgeous, and huge, but not gaudy or overdone. Sitting in there, I couldn’t help but think about Victor Hugo, and his Quasimodo. I joked later that I should have yelled “Sanctuary!!” while we were in there, but I think it would have only been funny to me and maybe two other people who had happened to see the Disney rendition of the classic novel. But seriously, to be in the city that Monsieur Hugo wrote about, where he created Jean Valjean and all of his other amazing characters, was quite the experience.

When we tried to find the metro stop near Notre Dame, we came upon a couple of adorable little streets, completely accidentally. They were cobblestone, and full of restaurant after restaurant, and creperies. Mike decided to stop for a crepe, and after we ordered one we watched a man pour batter onto this big round hot plate thing, and even it out with a little wooden utensil, then flip it over after only a minute or two, then add some nutella and fold it up. My Lord, that was one of the most delicious things I have ever tasted in my life.

That night, after discovering that a restaurant that we had found on the river was closed, we decided to go back to the area near Notre Dame, which is called the Left Bank. We walked by one restaurant where the owner was standing outside and talking to people as they walked by, trying to lure them in. He quickly found out that we were American, and convinced us in English to eat there. So we sat on the patio under a heat lamp and ate all kinds of delicious food and drank delicious red wine. I remember that I had a small piece of steak with Roquefort, and prawns with avocados, and mousse au chocolat. Mmmm….my mouth is watering now just thinking about it. This is almost embarrassing to admit, but after that we both got a crepe with nutella. Again. They were just so good, we wanted to have as many as we could while we were there.

The next day we went to breakfast at a little boulangerie. Yes, I am talking about food again. We both got pain au chocolat and a café. And after dumping some milk and a whole bunch of sugar in mine, I loved the café. We spent the day going to the Champs Elysees, the Arc de Triomphe, the Moulin Rouge, and then searching for a bookstore where Mike could get a French book for practicing with French translation. We sort of accidentally ran into the Sorbonne, and spent a few minutes hanging out there. That night we headed back to the Latin Quarter and found an equally delicious restaurant. I had some real French onion soup and loved that, and some roasted chicken. Dang, those Frenchies can cook.

We did stop at the Louvre, but never ended up going inside. I would love to go back at some point and just spend a week going there every day. People had told me it was a huge museum, but seriously, it’s huge.

On Thursday morning we said a sad goodbye to Paris and got on a train for Milan, then Rome. We spent the whole day on one train and then another, with a short stop in Milan. We arrived at our hotel, Villa Benedetta (a hotel for Catholic travelers), late in the evening. Rome was the main reason for the trip, as a friend of ours- Father Christophe, a Vatican diplomat- offered to put us up in this hotel if we wanted to visit. It was nice, and probably the biggest room we had had since starting the trip.

Our first attraction on Friday morning was the Colosseum, which was fairly close to our hotel. It was huge, of course, which is good since it’s called the Colosseum, and you don’t need to be going around advertising falsely. The best part was these “Roman soldiers” standing outside, waiting to take pictures with the tourists. They actually had breastplates with fake muscles on them. It’s good to know that Americans aren’t the only ones who will shamelessly exploit tourist sites to make a buck. Anyway, then we spent several hours in the Roman forum ruins, which were incredible to see. We headed over to the piazza where the Pantheon is, and found a restaurant off of the piazza where we got delicious margherita pizza and red wine for lunch, and also listened to the musical stylings of an adolescent accordion-player. We also went to the Basilica San Paolo, where Saint Paul’s tomb is. It was supposed to be made more available to viewers sometime recently, but we weren’t sure if it had been yet or not. All we could see was a small tunnel that leads to the tomb- I hope that’s not all that they’re doing. In any case, it was a beautiful church, and it was truly amazing to be in an area of the world where biblical history actually took place.

After St. Paul’s church we headed to the Vatican, and after going through security, went inside St. Peter’s Basilica. That place is massive, and overflowing with religious art and artifacts. I can’t say it was a place that I liked all that much. Mike said that some people have described it as a museum in itself, but I say let it be a church, and put the museum stuff in a museum. It just didn’t feel like a very humble place to me.

The next morning we went back to the Vatican because that day (January 6th) happened to be Epiphany, and Epiphany is a huge celebration in Rome. We got to St. Peter’s Square just as Mass was beginning, with the Pope presiding. The service was being broadcasted on jumbo screens outside, but we still got in the long line to go through security again and get inside. It was, of course, packed in there, and Mike stood in a mob with arm held high to get a few shots of the Pope. I couldn’t have seen anything unless I pushed myself to the front, and considering that I was in a church, that didn’t seem conducive to the whole Christian idea. So I stood on the side and did some people-watching, figuring that I could just look at pictures later.

Later that day we went to the Spanish Steps, but I don’t think that I could see any part of the actual steps underneath the throngs of people walking or sitting on them. And considering that we had spent a week already walking for hours and hours each day, I really didn’t care if I didn’t walk up what looked like about 1,000 stairs. So we went on our way, seeing more sites, and having gelato (which, by the way, is good, but it’s no crepe with nutella). That night we found an Epiphany festival, which was full of food, games, families, and even a belligerent drunk guy. They also have this tradition about a witch named Befana, who brings candy to the children on Epiphany if they are good. They had Befana dolls at the festival with glowing red eyes, and I was more than a little mystified by the entire thing.

On Sunday morning we decided to take a commuter train to Lido, an area on the coast of the Mediterranean, about 45 minutes from Rome. We wandered around and realized that the town either doesn’t really exist when it’s not the summer, or they just completely shut down on Sundays. We finally found a little bit of life in one neighborhood, and had lunch at the one and only restaurant that was open, then headed back to Rome. We spent a leisurely last afternoon and evening checking out some more ruins, and a 4th century church, and some souvenir shops. On our way back to the hotel we got ourselves pizza, and ate it while walking back to the Colosseum where our metro stop was, and decided that there was no better way to spend our last night in Rome.

On Monday morning we headed to the airport via commuter train, and flew to Frankfurt, then Dubai, then Abu Dhabi, to see Mike’s parents. This last leg of our trip was an entirely different culture and group of people, and I think was the perfect way to end our trip. We didn’t actually get to the hotel where Mike’s parents live until about 1:30 on Tuesday morning, but we were so glad to set our stuff down in a suite that was bigger than our house in Laramie. We had a king-sized bed, a kitchen with a fridge and microwave and dishwasher and wash machine, and a bathroom that you could probably play basketball in. And a huge TV with lots and lots of channels. So, we got a good night’s sleep, and in the morning had fresh juice (so fresh that it’s almost like a smoothie with no ice added) and Lebanese foods like zahtar and lahm bajine (no idea how to spell that in English letters- but I promise it’s good stuff).

That day Mike’s parents took us to Dubai, a bustling city that was barely anything 30 years ago. We went to a shopping area that models the ancient Arab souks, with all kinds of souvenir-type gifts, and rugs, and clothing, and even a Cinnabon. Then we had lunch at the hotel that is shaped like a sailboat, the Burj Al Arab. Wow, I never ever expected to eat anywhere that fancy in my entire life. Rooms at this hotel go for at least $3,000 a night. Guests can borrow a car from the hotel- and I mean a Bentley or a Maserati, not a Ford Focus. We ate at the seafood restaurant, which is under the water, and houses a massive aquarium. It was absolutely some of the best seafood I have ever tasted. Once we rolled ourselves out of there, stuffed with lobster and prawns and scallops and sea bass, we walked around on the beach a little bit (something Mike and I both missed terribly), and then went to Starbucks to meet up with Mike’s cousin and his cousin’s fiancée.

That night, although none of us had entirely recovered from the huge lunch we had, we went to a Lebanese restaurant in Abu Dhabi. It was quiet at first, and we sat and munched on basic Lebanese foods like, hummus, falafel, sambousik, etc. But, as the night went on (after we had ordered some sheesha), more people began to show up, and a guy got ready to play music in the front of the restaurant. Then a belly dancer came out and danced for like an hour, and Mike’s dad sat and chatted to a man sitting at the table next to us, whom Mike and I later found out was a sheikh, a nephew of the royal family, and the head of the national bank. It was the quintessential Lebanese experience, and the weather was perfect, and the entire evening was perfect.

The next morning we stopped by a smaller Lebanese establishment for fresh juice, then went shopping for souvenirs, and a CD of Arab pop music for me. We met Mike’s dad for lunch, and sat outside in the gorgeous mid-60’s weather (although many people who live there pointed out how it’s never that cold). After that we walked to a nearby mall, which I can only compare to Cherry Creek on steroids. First of all, it was huge, and second, I couldn’t have afforded to buy anything in that place. But we did do a little more shopping in a place that Mike calls the French version of Walmart, Carrefour. And their produce section puts anything I’ve seen in the U.S. to shame. There was an entire area of sacks full of spices and dried fruits, some of which I had never even heard of. If you ever have a chance to try candy chick peas, I know it sounds weird, but eat them. You will definitely like them.

That night we ate at the smaller Lebanese restaurant and had shawarma, which is chicken or beef from a spit, similar to Greek gyro meat. Our flight left Abu Dhabi at 1:10 in the morning, so not too long after dinner we headed to the airport. And although we ran into problems with a flight being cancelled from Frankfurt to London because of wind, our itinerary only improved because we got a direct flight from Frankfurt to Denver. That flight was alright, aside from Coughy McHackerson sitting behind us, who didn’t stop for more than 30 seconds for the entire 10 hour flight. We got two movies, the first being The Illusionist, which was alright. The second was Flicka, and all I can say is that I must have been bored to have watched that whole thing all the way through. Bless Tim McGraw and his attempt at acting. I tried to tell someone here in Laramie about how disappointed I was with having a horse movie on our flight, but when her face lit up at the title, I realized that she wasn’t going to sympathize with me.

All in all, I’d say it was a wonderful way to begin what I hope will be a lifetime of traveling. So much for trying to make this short, but if you’ve made it this far, congratulations.

Now back to our regularly scheduled blogging.

way of the future

2007-01-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

I just found out that there's not only one, but two other people that I work with waiting for their spouse/significant other to be accepted into a graduate program next fall. It's a little funny to me that there are three of us in the same boat, and there may be a miniature-mass exodus come August when we all head to some other part of the country with our academically-minded loved ones. At least, assuming that all three are accepted into programs and are funded if need be. It makes work life a little more interesting to wait and see who hears back in the next couple of months. Now that all of the applications are officially submitted, I am anxious to see what happens.

The only spot I was not so sure I'd like is South Bend, Indiana. I still doubt I'd like it that much, but the pluses of being near Canada, Lake Michigan, and Chicago help it out quite a bit. And the fact that it would be the most affordable area for us to live in. Atlanta is another iffy one, I guess. I haven't spent any time there, so I have no idea what to expect if that's where we go. At least it's a big city. Does it ever snow there? Right now I'd move anywhere where it does not snow, because I'm so done with the snow. Anyway, we will just wait and see what happens, and I know this waiting and seeing is going to feel like FOR-EV-ER, in the immortal words of Squints.

By the way, our trip to Europe and the U.A.E. was glorious, spectactular, exhausting, informative, and wonderful. I am writing somewhat of an epic novel about it, and I'm not sure what to do with it. Mostly I write it for my own memories, but I would like to post it on my blog. I think it may take about 3 hours to upload, though. Yikes. Either way, I will get something up.

feverishly packing and cleaning

2006-12-27T23:03:00.000-07:00

Quick blog update so that my blog doesn't sit lonely and collecting dust for the next two weeks:

Leaving a day early (tomorrow) for London in a desperate attempt to get the h-e-double-hockey-sticks outta here before we get dumped on with another massive amount of the white stuff that we lovingly call snow.

Had a wonderful Christmas with both families, although it was pretty much a blur. Got my new camera- very excited to inaugurate it in Europe. And the U.A.E.

Hopefully will have lots of stories and pho-tos (saying it Britishly) before MLK day in January.

My mind is going a mile a minute, but I am very sleepy, too. Better finish what I have to do and get to bed.

Cheerio!

oy vey with the snow and the wind

2006-12-20T13:10:00.000-07:00

This picture shows the snow on the ground outside my window, and the snow that has been caught by the trees, but unfortunately it does not catch the snowflakes that are whizzing by my window, completely horizontally.*

I may be stuck at work today if this keeps up, in which case I will have to eat paper, drink water from a device I fashion outside my window that will catch the melting snowflakes that may never melt at this rate, and contact Mike via morse code on an old transponder that I will find laying in some obscure storage closet. (I really have no idea what a transponder is or does, or if that is even a real thing.) Hopefully I will make it home safely, but the quietness at the office this time of year really does make my imagination go crazy. It happened last year too- I remember devising escape routes from the Union if any bad guys happened to show up to ruin our Christmas cheer.

*I apologize for the poor quality photo taken from my cell phone. In just a few short days I will hopefully have a Kodak Z612 digital camera in my possession, and my photos will be so beautiful that they will make you cry.

christmas story

2006-12-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

'Twas the Tuesday of the work week, and all through the office

Not a creature was stirring, not even a faculty member.

The files were hung in the file drawers with care,

In hopes that I would soon get the files there.

I was nestled all snug in my desk and wishing it were my bed

While visions of a new digital camera danced in my head.

Mike in his flannel shirt and I in my crocheted cap,

Were wishing we could settle down for a long winter's nap.

And so on and so forth.

because hair is the thing that grows back

2006-12-12T15:13:00.000-07:00

So. I got my hair cut at lunchtime today. And I went for it. I got the bangs. I have seen a lot of cute quasi-bangs lately, and I decided it was time for me to jump on the bandwagon. Normally I don't fret too much about making drastic changes to my hair, but when the bangs got cut, I felt myself getting a little short of breath. She asked me how much bangs I wanted, and what length I wanted. I really just made a complete guess, and they didn't turn out exactly as I had imagined. Of course, my haircuts never turn out the way I imagine, because I basically envision myself as an entirely different person, usually with dramatic eyebrows and a dramatic jawbone. Who knows why.

I'm a little nervous what Mike is going to think...he is not a fan of the bangs. But I think they are quasi enough that it will be ok...I hope. I am having a difficult time controlling them right now. I also decided to start parting my hair on the side, so I really just don't know what to do with my head right now. I keep trying to make sure that my bangs are ok, that they didn't wander over to some strange spot or fall completely into my eyes. Then I do the horribly annoying, 80's male pop star flick of the head to get them to go back. That is going to have to stop. Quickly.

And for anyone who has seen Dana Carvey's standup routine from about 10 years ago, all I have running through my head is his impression of Marcia Clark: "I'm gonna cut my bangs! I'm gonna cut my bangs!" So, if nothing else, at least my new bangs amuse me.

LiLo

2006-12-11T09:49:00.000-07:00

Red pen corrections of a recent Lindsey Lohan email diatribe: http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/2006/12/confessions_of_.html

I really don't know what she's talking about, but this was just too funny not to share.

toxic accountants

2006-12-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

What I just overheard one (male) professor say to another (male) professor right outside my office:

"You're like the Britney Spears of the Accounting department".

And no, he didn't mean that he married his backup dancer, or that he became a baby factory, or that he suddenly lost any speck of judgment he had left and started hanging out with Paris Hilton.

sandy claws

2006-12-05T16:20:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the feast of Saint Nicholas for both the Orthodox and Catholic Churches (and the nameday of my father-in-law). I thought it might be fitting in this season to remember where our "Santa Claus" comes from. Here is a little of what the Greek Orthodox Archdiocese has to say about him:

This Saint lived during the reign of Saint Constantine the Great, and reposed in 330. As a young man, he desired to espouse the solitary life. He made a pilgrimage to the holy city Jerusalem, where he found a place to withdraw to devote himself to prayer. It was made known to him, however, that this was not the will of God for him, but that he should return to his homeland to be a cause of salvation for many. He returned to Myra, and was ordained bishop. He became known for his abundant mercy, providing for the poor and needy, and delivering those who had been unjustly accused....

Legend has it that Saint Nicholas tossed bags of gold secretly into the house of three girls in the middle of the night, because their father could not afford a dowry for them to marry. When the girls discovered it, the story became widely known, and people everywhere began to thank Saint Nicholas when they received an unexpected or secret gift. Sound familiar?

I think it's nothing but beneficial to have a little more perspective on the traditions that seem to come to us so steadily and consistently, yet still change so drastically over time. I know that so many people try to sidestep the commercialism that has become part and parcel with Christmas, while others want it to simply be a time to buy presents without the religious undertones. The only way that either can achieve their goal is to learn the history. So I'm just doing my portion.

In any case, Happy Saint Nicholas Day.

p.s. He is also the patron saint of travelers, in case you're interested.

bust a cap

2006-12-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

Mike and I got a hand-me-down X-Box today. Normally I am not all that interested in video games, but the prospect of more free time on my hands, and a used copy of Tetris that just might be waiting for me at the local video store, is a little scary to think about. I may need a group for this one. "My name is Erin, and I am a tetris-aholic."

Plus, our once quiet and stable home is about to become rampant with violence and rap music, as Mike's favorite game is, ironically, GTA. (I can't even bring myself to spell out what that stands for.)

Lord help us all.

fermentation

2006-11-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

Random internet spotting: 50 weird uses for vinegar

My favorites from the list:

9. Keep chickens from pecking each other. Put a little in their drinking water.

Dem dang ol chickens. I ask you- what in the world does vinegar do that calms chickens to a mild, pacifist way of life? Do the Amish drink vinegar?

20. Feel good. A teaspoon of apple cider vinegar in a glass of water, with a bit of honey added for flavor, will take the edge off your appetite and give you an overall healthy feeling.

Your face may pucker up so tight that you cannot even see out of your eyes, but boy will you feel gooood.

38. Get rid of cooking smells. Let simmer a small pot of vinegar and water solution.

No longer will my house smell like garlic and herbs and other foods (that some would say are delicious), instead it will be filled with the delectable aroma of cooking vinegar. My husband has made sushi in our house, and I can certainly vouch for the fact that heated vinegar is not a pleasant smell.

45. Take grease off suede. Dip a toothbrush in vinegar and gently brush over grease spot.

The next time you go to the diner in your blue suede shoes and accidentally drop your 50-cent patty melt, remember- a little vinegar will do the trick.

giving thanks

2006-11-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

What a lovely holiday, Thanksgiving. We really enjoyed the day, as we were able to be with both of our families, and the whole day went very well. It was only made better when we decorated our Christmas tree on Friday night while we watched Family Man on TV. It's times like these that remind me how enchanted I was growing up with the thought of having my own family and starting our own holiday traditions. The romanticism that inevitably comes with this time of year always warms me right up. And to top it off, Mike bought me It's a Wonderful Life on DVD- does it get any better?

We're quickly approaching our trip to Europe, and it typically becomes a topic for discussion at dinner. We're both maddeningly excited for it, and thinking about everything we'll see makes me crazy with anticipation! I hope that everyone else had a great Thanksgiving and was able to take a rest from everyday concerns. Best wishes for the holiday season.

may i introduce you to the bookworm

2006-11-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

In exactly two weeks from now, I will be almost finished with the Holiday Market (at which I am selling things of the crochet persuasion). Any free time that I've had in the last three months, I have tried to fill with some crochet project. I think every time our neighbor comes upstairs to visit, I am glued to the couch, surrounded by yarn and scissors and a pattern, practically making my eyes cross while staring at whatever I happen to be making. I hope she doesn't think I'm crazy. I decided last year around this time (when we were getting ready for the market over at the Union) that I wanted to make a bunch of stuff over the year and sell it this time around. And after finishing a blanket that took forever back in the early fall, I began to panic that I didn't have enough to sell, and I have been a machine ever since.

A few other aspects of my life have been somewhat neglected. Mike is even sad sometimes when I can't just sit and enjoy a movie, I have to have a light on and a project in hand. I do of course have to keep up with homework and house stuff, but some of my hobbies besides crochet (which has lately become a chore) have been completely overlooked, namely reading. I have not read one flipping book in months, and I am saddened by this.

I walked by someone the other day near my office who was sitting in a chair in the hallway, casually reading a novel, and my heart had pangs at the thought of being able to just sit and read. I am starting to twitch when I imagine picking up some fiction and just getting lost in it. I almost considered starting something now, but I told myself that I just need to crochet a little more, and then I'm home-free. But my mind whirls with the possibilities for what I might read first. I do have a bunch of non-fiction choices on my list, but I think those will be postponed until I can get a story-fix first. I know I will be starting the Harry Potter series in the next few months so I will be ready for number 7 on 7/7/07 (yes, let me just write that down with the pen that is in my pocket protector, because I am a NERD and I don't care), but in the meantime I have a few other options in mind. I haven't read any Jonathan Safran Foer yet, and I definitely intend to. I also want to read Anna Karenina and the Marcel Proust series, because they are both ones that I never finished, but they will be bigger projects at a later time. Goodness, my mind is reeling with the enchantment of a good book. Can you tell I am a little excited?

I'm also planning to bring something that will work well in conjunction with a trip to Europe, but I haven't decided what that will be yet. I considered Les Miserables, because it is the most beautiful piece of literature ever conceived by man, and what better time to read it than when you're in Europe?? But I think it might be a little much. I also think that I am wrong to assume that I will have much time to read on the plane. I am going to have to get some sleep in that time, or else I knowI will be a zombie when we get to London. Plus, I have all of the glorious in-flight movies to consider, too. As excited as I am to try and sell my crochet, it is becoming ever more obvious to me that it will be nice when I can do something else with my time.

Any book recommendations? Any overseas flight advice?

les reves

2006-11-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

I ate a lot of food in Casper this past weekend. It was all absolutely delicious. My body punished me by waking me up at 5 this morning to barf my guts out. Lovely, huh. No more delicious food for me. And no work today, either. So a little while ago I sat on the couch and watched the only thing worth watching on the network stations in the middle of the day. Martha Stewart. Note, her competition was the news (which was scratchy and hard to hear), some educational children's show on PBS (mildly tempting), or a soap opera (I'd rather stare at the ceiling and hum to myself). The show was okay I guess. She did make a trip to Paris- where she used to be a model, which seemed a little strange to me. I mean, when she showed up on some agency's doorstep at the age of 19, didn't they say "Mais non! Tu es Martha Stewart! You make ze cookies, and ze holiday doilies!" I guess Martha Stewart wasn't such a "buzz" name back in the 60's.

But she toured a few "ateliers" in the beautiful city of Paris, which are the shops where seamstresses work on the elegant and extravagant pieces of clothing that are worn in the haute couture fashion shows of Le France. And I wondered to myself if I could ever enjoy/find my way into such a job. Mike and I love to throw around the idea of living abroad, and one option is France, where he could teach at the Orthodox institute there. I always characterize our future children as products of whatever place we may end up- in England, they will be pushed in a pram, and they will call me "mummy". In France, they would say "mais oui" a lot, and would prance around town in little jumpers, much like the title character of the Eloise books. But I truly love to wonder what such a life would be like, and imagining myself as a trendy seamstress, putting my work into gorgeous gowns made by top designers, is certainly a fantastic dream. My love for crochet and for trying different creations (even though my products now are FAR from those designs seen on the runways- I don't think they wear many wool hats with stripes in them) makes that dream a little closer to possible. I hope I never give up on dreams.

glory to the newborn King

2006-11-09T12:36:00.000-07:00

For about 3 hours this morning, I had "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" merrily playing over and over like a broken record in my head. The most wonderful time being the one where snow falls, and sleighbells ring (are ya listenin?), and Folgers still plays the commercial where the little girl discovers that her older brother Peter is home for the holidays, and they open the can of coffee and give it a marvelous sniff, and the whole family wakes up to the aroma of delicious brewing java. God, I love that commercial.

I've already got the bug. My biological clock must have aligned itself with that of the retailers, because I was ready for Christmas at about 10 p.m. on Halloween night. I have the insatiable urge to watch movies like Muppet's Christmas Carol and the Grinch, and cozy up to some hot chocolate (with peppermint schnapps, perhaps). I am desperately trying to hold out until a more reasonable time to break out the Sinata Christmas carols, but I am barely hanging on. Actually, the Nativity fast begins next Wednesday, so we may be putting up our Christmas tree quite soon. Glorious Christmas tree!

But I have to admit that most of my inclinations right now have to do with the typical, Americana version of Christmas, and unfortunately not the actual "reason for the season". This needs to change quickly, because I know that by about Dec 20th, I will be ready to tell Rudolph where he can stick his bright red nose.

brown bagging it

2006-11-06T12:15:00.000-07:00

Work is slow enough today that I can take my lunch break, and print out a few online crossword puzzles to amuse myself for an hour. Nothing could make me happier right now, except maybe my couch, a blanket, and the movie Babe. For some odd reason I really enjoy a talking pig and his talking animal friends- especially the singing mice.

I think I'll go eat my lunch and do my crossword puzzle, but first I just have to make some small comments about the news of the weekend.

Ted Haggard- what a sad turn of events, for so many reasons. Is it possible to remain humble and true to yourself when you have thousands of followers and a fairly strong tie to the White House and politics in general? There has to be a better way to deal with these kinds of issues- they are rampant in the churches- pornography, secret homosexual lives, etc. Sexuality in general seems to be a massive problem. And it's not a bad thing in its essence. I wish I knew what had to be done, or how we could approach this without the stigma. I know that there are some Orthodox writings on all of this, and I intend to seek them out. Mr. Haggard started a church that was fairly instrumental in my becoming a Christian, and regardless how little of a connection that I have to it now, I am sad for this church. This is not the first spiritual leader I have seen experiencing such a downfall, and the last one was much closer to me. It's hard, but really not surprising in some ways.

Saddam Hussein- yeah, he's done some pretty crappy stuff. And I'm not one to try and compare numbers when it comes to death tolls, but there are some much bigger fish that we could be putting our money and energy into. Some of those bigger fish get our money and energy in the form of support, and that's no good.

Enough of this, time to work on something that I can solve.

eventful tuesday

2006-11-01T12:28:00.000-07:00

I can't even believe this...guess how many trick-or-treaters we had last night? ZERO. That's right, not even one. I bought a giant bag of Smarties, and they are still sitting in our house. Unopened. I was depressed. And to top it off, when we got home from dinner out our pumpkins, our beautiful, smelly pumpkins, were smashed. Right in front of our front door. Like someone stood 2 inches away from the entrance to our home and dashed all of our Halloween dreams, while we were gone and unable to protect our pumpkins, like impotent and unsuspecting pumpkin owners, leaving our little creations to fend for themselves.

I'm being dramatic. But I really was devastated to not see one single little costumed child come to our door for our free candy. And I completely expected the pumpkins to be smashed, but it didn't lessen my heartbreak one ounce.

Aside from these atrocities, our night was great actually. I did get to see a few kids in their costumes at the student union, where they put on a big event every year. (I think this is why we had no trick-or-treaters at our house, and I think the other reason is because it is a college town where many students will use any excuse to drink, and are probably out at the bars or going to each other's houses, and driving, and making neighborhoods generally a little unsafe.) And we went out for Taco Tuesday at the local Mexican restaurant. Then I bought a cheap bottle of vanilla-flavored vodka to put in Coke, because I am a girl and I like girly drinks. Then we rented The Crow, and although I fell asleep halfway through, it was a good choice for Halloween night.

And now I am eating leftover Halloween sweet-tarts, and they taste like chewable vitamins.

punkin head

2006-10-31T12:53:00.000-07:00

A word to the wise: unless you are still in high school, or unemployed, or work in a vintage record store, do NOT undergo the risk of dying your hair using a cheap K-Mart dye. It is just too much of a gamble. I speak from experience.

The last time I had my hair colored by professionals, I somehow allowed myself to be talked into spending $200 on a cut, color, and highlight session. Even when you are a nanny and making bank, it is still fairly unreasonable to spend this amount of money on your hair. Especially when you spend all of three hours of your week wearing cute, normal clothes, and not a sweatshirt that has baby boogers and dried milk all over one of its shoulders. Thus, after this very expensive episode, I repented and decided to not dye my hair in a salon.

For a while I just left my hair a natural color (which I have been told has natural highlights anyway)- until Sunday night. I decided to purchase a kit which involves both color and highlights, imagining how cute I would look, and how inexpensive the process would be. And then, after two rounds of piling goop on my hair and then rinsing it out, I dried it, only to discover that I was more ready for Halloween than I thought. I look like I either desperately wish it were summer again, or I am just incredibly festive for this October holiday. It's not bright orange, but it certainly has a tint to it.

I also thought that I could give myself some of those great, fatter highlights that look so cool and punky. Instead, I pretty much just dyed the top of my head a different color than the bottom of it. Ok, it's probably not as bad as I am making it sound. It's not like I refuse to go outside, or I have to go and get it fixed and make the entire thing costly anyway. But we have our advisory board coming at the end of this week, and I just don't feel very professional. I think I am going to just wait it out until it fades a little and begins to grow out, or else I may scrub my head with Lysol and see if that has any effect. Lesson learned, I guess.

another weekend almost gone

2006-10-29T15:42:00.000-07:00

Highlights of my weekend:

I carved my first pumpkin ever on Friday night. It was a fun experience, but I think I would have enjoyed it much more when I was younger. I went for a scary clown kind of look, but my artistic abilities only go so far. It looks more like I just closed my eyes and started sawing away. Mike did somewhat of a self-portrait- glasses, and even an attempt at a beard. But the holes that he made for the beard are too small for the light to shine through. I'm going to put them out tonight- I hope they don't get smashed before Tuesday. I got laughed at by our friends, because I actually googled "pumpkin carving" before we started so I would know what the heck I was doing. It's like Mike not having seen The Wizard of Oz- it's just not the same when you're not an 8-year-old.

Last night we ended up watching two movies- American Dreamz and The Family Stone. American Dreamz looked so good in the previews, and was a big disappointment. The humor could have been really great, but instead it was forced and immature. And I think it was from the creators of Love Actually, so I was really surprised that they couldn't do any better. The Family Stone was cute- not wonderful or amazing, but cute. The entire feeling of family and holidays combined is such a nice one, and I think that aspect, combined with the reality of family situations that aren't always perfect, made me like the movie a lot. I am certain now, though, that Sarah Jessica Parker is just not that great. I never liked Sex and the City, and I can't get past what Family Guy said about her- she looks like a foot. She really, really does.

I taught Sunday School today, and it went well. Sometimes I think that I want to work with kids again, and then I remember that the kids at my church are very hard to come by. That place has something magical to it (if I can describe a church in that way). The people are amazing, and the presence of God is always felt. For some reason that stands out to me, when really it should be the norm at most churches. I guess that people can sometimes forget how to imitate Christ by the way they treat others, but so many people at this church just get it.

This next week (next month, actually) is going to be rough. I feel myself taking lots more deep breaths, and I'm just trying to keep my eye on the Christmas and the trip that will come soon enough.

spamerific

2006-10-27T09:24:00.000-06:00

In my inbox this morning:

"free lip kit with purchase of a sweater"

"podiatrist beginner"

"are we hooking up tonight?"

"area du dispersible griddle felicitous million chlordan"

"pong cat thru time"

"mmmmmmmm doughnuts"

a better earth

2006-10-26T16:39:00.000-06:00

Yesterday several groups on campus came together for a "campus sustainability day", and one of their events was to show the Al Gore documentary, An Inconvenient Truth. I went to see it, because I have been mildly interested in it since it was first released, and I was quite impressed. Yes, the movie is essentially Al Gore's slide presentation in the form of a theater movie. I have heard several people complain about this, but I think it is exactly the format that should be used. Enough of all the Hollywood glamour, jumpy edits, and energetic soundtracks- I truly believe that he is just a man who wants to get his message out. And plenty of people will pay up to $10 to see a movie whose premise is beer, or sawing one's legs off. Why not something that is informative and timely, if not exactly entertaining?

I tried to be as objective and critical as I could, because I tend to be easily persuaded. But it comes down to this: even if global warming, which seems to be a real and true problem that is being down-played in the same way that tobacco was, will not have any one of the effects that Gore warns of, or even if those effects are simply a part of the natural order (even when so much of our world today is "unnatural"), I still fully believe that we, especially as Americans, are called to be more responsible and respecful with the luxuries that we have. And that, my friends, was the longest sentence I have ever written in my entire life. But the fact that Americans consume more materials than many countries combined, makes me cringe. It makes us weak and scared, and unable to cope when we are faced with real, raw life. That may seem like a jump in logic, but just think about it a little bit. I know from my own experiences- I am chastising myself as much as anyone.

I, for one, want to change my habits. I have begun to do that in many ways, and I see how positive it can be, for myself and for others. I recommend the movie to anyone who is ready to be kicked in the butt and to think about something beyond the world of consumerism and terrorism. Wow, I have become such a hippie, but I think it's important to recognize how unnatural it sounds to us anymore to talk about being moderate or conservative (and I don't mean in the political sense).

Advancements are coming exponentially these days when it comes to technology, but we need to think twice about how we use the technology that is brought before us. I think it all comes back to humility, and a sense of respect for what we have been given.

celebs in our midst

2006-10-25T12:54:00.000-06:00

Last night while I was walking home, I walked by the tour buses of none other than Hootie and the Blowfish. Yes, they are still around, and yes, they were doing a show here on campus. In high school I probably would have gasped and frantically darted my head around to see any one of them in person. If I had been able to spot them last night, I'm sure it would have been exciting, but I guess as you get older the magic dies away a little bit. Although, the magic is still there for me if I happened to run into, say, Kevin Spacey or Debra Messing. They're my heroes.

But in honor of my Hootie tour bus sighting, my list of other sightings (which would be inordinately smaller if I hadn't lived in New York):

Eminem- at the Vans Warped Tour in Denver in '99 or 2000. Entirely unimpressed. He flipped the bird when a mom was taking a picture of him with her son (oohh wow Eminem, you're soo hot when you put up your middle finger). Plus he's short.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen- while filming their Times Square scene in that New York movie they did. I didn't see them up close, but it was my first New York celebrity sighting, so that made it pretty swell. I think I got a picture of the top of their heads.

Bono, Djimon Hounsou, Gavin Friday- at the premiere of In America in New York. I got to watch a movie with these people! No, I did not share popcorn with them or make random comments during the movie, but I think I might have breathed one of the same oxygen molecules as them. By the way, Gavin Friday did the music for this and several other movies, and he's gooood.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman- probably the coolest sighting of all of them, because he is an incredible actor, and because he was just chillin in Greenwich Village with his wife and son. That means he's real- I am baffled.

Ethan Hawke/Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray- still not sure which one it was, but I swear it was one of them. My stomach dropped when I saw him (near Grand Central), because I knew that I knew the face. I just didn't get a good enough look to figure out who it was, and of course I had to play it cool and only get a quick glance.

Mike Myers- crossing the street in Midtown. Another one that would have caused a heart attack had I seen him when I was in 6th grade and watching Wayne's World every single day. Of course then he would have had a mullet and a beer gut, but he was cool just the same.

internet infamy

2006-10-23T12:16:00.000-06:00

A milestone has occurred in my life.

I am the first, second, and third result on Google when you search for my first and last name (no quotes needed!). I feel like a minor celebrity, like a C-list actor or something. Mike is jealous and bitter, because my first name, especially with an Arab last name, is not very common (but there is one in D.C. and one in the UAE). Michael, on the other hand, is much more common, and you have to be more creative to come up with my Michael on Google.

Nevertheless, I am basking in my minor glory. I never would have made the cut if it weren't for my new last name (my maiden name being very generic and also serving as the word for a person's emphasized study in college). So thank you, Mike, for helping me get where I am today!

P.S. For some reason, I can't see or say the word Google without wanting to say it in a fake Swedish accent...I have no idea why.

P.P.S. I have been sucked into the realms of another television show, and I never could have expected it. But last night Mike turned on the TV, and we discovered that the first three episodes of the new show Heroes were being replayed. Now, I have been making fun of the show because of their motto: "save the cheerleader, save the world". (It goes against years of diligent research proving that 99% of cheerleaders fulfill the stereotype that is put upon them.) And although I will wholeheartedly admit that I LOVED the movie Bring it On, I never thought I could praise a show with such a premise. But it had me within the first 10 minutes, I think. It's great, and it looks like SVU is going to be dropped off my list so that I don't turn into a complete couch potato. Some of these shows were great once, but really have just been on too long.

something new

2006-10-17T13:12:00.000-06:00

I want to be more diligent about writing on my blog, but I don't want to spend every post blathering on about what I ate for lunch or how difficult of a time I'm having concentrating on my work (which is obvious by the fact that I am blogging in the first place).

So, there's nothing all that grand going on in my life that I can discuss right now. I already covered our upcoming trip to Europe. Instead, I am going to borrow an idea from several of my grade school English teachers. I'm going to give myself a topic of discussion, and free-write, as they say.

Today's topic: "restaurants", inspired by a tag on del.icio.us (I'm scratching for something here, people).

And of course, the obvious place to start here is- my favorite restaurant. The obvious answer, for many years, has been Outback. But I think Outback, along with a fondue place in Mantiou Springs called Mona Lisa, has become reserved for very special occasions, when it is okay to gorge myself and eat more than I typically eat in an entire day. I love both restaurants, but they would not be my favorite in the sense that I would pick them more than once in a blue moon.

Here in Wyoming, the two restaurants that I would probably pick to eat at most often would be Lovejoy's and Sanford's. Both of them remind me how important a restaurant's atmosphere is- probably just as important as the actual food. I love Sanford's because it has license plates all over the wall and a roll of paper towels at every table in place of actual napkins. It's like Joe's Crab Shack, without the obnoxious picnic tables and birthday songs. And Lovejoy's is a great place to hang out with people and have a drink. Eating out at a restaurant is all about the social function.

Something I realized about myself while living in Brooklyn: I'm not too concerned with how sanitary a restaurant is. There was a Chinese place a few blocks from my apartment, and it was certainly not the model of clean food service. I saw a bug or two on the walls, and the entire place just seemed to be caked in grease. But that is by far the best egg-drop soup I have ever had in my life.

What's your favorite restaurant? Are you picky about certain things like service or cleanliness?

from crumpets to gelato to kabobs

2006-10-13T11:40:00.000-06:00

So really, nothing in my life is terribly exciting at the moment. Well, except for the fact that Mike and I purchased tickets the other night to go to London, Rome, and Abu Dhabi at the end of December. Quite the combination, eh? And yes, every time I think about it, my heart goes EEEK!! very loudly, so that you could almost hear it from the outside. But that's all the excitement so far- it will be much more exciting to recap what I'm sure will be an incredible trip, when I'm back at work in January, wishing I weren't back at work.

For now, we are just in the midst of our plans, making sure we get to do everything we want to do while we're there. We will be spending some time in Oxford also, and I really hope that I am able to drag Mike away from it to see the many other parts of Europe that we intend to see, because I think he could probably stay in Oxford for a very long time if I let him. We're also thinking about taking a train to Rome, and getting a pass that will allow us 4 days of travel, so we can visit Venice or Milan or (be still my beating heart) France. But I told Mike last night that I don't want us to spread ourselves too thin. I want to get to know Rome- you know, buy it a drink, maybe take it to dinner. This is what I said to Mike last night, and he didn't think I was all that funny. I thought I was funny. So much so that I repeated my joke on my blog the next day.

So, apparently, talking about our trip before we even go is more exciting than I thought. At least for me. This will be my first time overseas, and I am so grateful that we're able to do this before we get tied down by school, and money issues, and the rest of life. This is actually going to be a fairly cost-effective trip anyway, which is nice.

As Mike has been saying all week- LONDON, BABY! (How can I not love a man who quotes Friends??)

P.S. I am also managing to visit a Middle Eastern country, which makes me so glad, since Lebanon is not the best option right now. I will get to practice my Arabic, and have some authentic food (even though I do already when Mike's mom is around), and enjoy a few days of sun in January. I lied- life is very exciting right now!

unproductive

2006-10-09T20:12:00.000-06:00

What I should be doing right now:

dishes
homework
yoga
crochet

What I am doing instead:

feeling grouchy and sicky
watching a TV show that I don't even like (apparently the guy on Two and a Half Men is going through his second divorce. dumb.)
type-typing away

girl talk

2006-10-06T23:47:00.000-06:00

I miss having a girl best friend. It has been in the back of my mind for some time, and what a weird time for it to come out and be put into material thoughts. Mike took me to see the play "Dead Man Walking" tonight, we went for coffee afterward, and it was a really nice date night. I made tempura for dinner, and it was delicious, and now I am just hanging out and waiting for Mike to be ready go to to bed. I had a great Friday evening, and yet I'm thinking about how nice it would be if I had one girl friend that I could really connect with.

It has been quite a while since I've had a "best friend". Since high school, in fact. And this may only be in retrospect, but I don't think that I was very real or open with my close friends most of the time back then. It seems like I spent a majority of my time making sure that the people around me would like me, rather than simply being myself. That's not to say that those relationships weren't genuine, but I'm really not that surprised that things have changed. Time and life have just shifted everything around.

It would just be so nice to have that person that I could go shopping with, call at any hour of the day, confide in about my marriage or my job or whatever. I do have these things in different people, but I want it all combined into one perfect girl best friend (who has cute hair and the perfect taste in earrings). I think I'm worried that I won't ever know anyone like that, or I will be too closed off to be like that with anyone. I think that I purposefully don't get too close to people, because I have been moving around so much in the last few years, and will be doing that again soon probably. And then I'd have to keep up with my girl best friend by phone, and she of course would know how much I HATE the phone.

But I guess I am glad that this is the worst of my problems. I think I must be doing pretty well if the thing that concerns me most at midnight when I am left with my thoughts is wishing for a girl best friend.

i'm not saying i would call anyone a flaming idiot with no sense of propriety

2006-10-03T12:53:00.000-06:00

I have absolutely no intention of blogging for the purpose of standing on a platform and criticizing others, or pushing my political/religious/social ethics views. Mostly I just like to write, and keep up with myself, and try to be somewhat creative. Sometimes my views just end up being a part of what I feel like talking about. But I just have to get it out today.

I am SO TIRED of the 24-hour news networks, and the televised news media in general. Lord, even some of the newspapers are making me crazy.

There have been an inordinate number of acts of school violence in the last week, and it is my humble theory that the news frenzy caused by each one has managed to exacerbate the entire situation. I was checking out CNN's site (oh no, I'm not going to link that crap), and one of the new facts posted with the story is that KY jelly was found at the scene of the school shooting in Pennsylvania, pointing to the fact that the guy was going to molest the children if he had more time. Is this really appropriate/necessary news coverage?

I am also beginning to wonder, based on all of the similarities, if this guy was encouraged by all he heard about the shooter in Bailey, CO, and decided to become infamous as well. Hell, the guy in Colorado was an instant celebrity. Why not get your name on the news, and assure that half a million people across the country will have the chance to read your suicide note and know what anguish you were put through as a child? This irks me beyond reason.

I know how fascinating this stuff is- I get sucked in too. But it's become mere entertainment. How easy is it to distinguish an episode of CSI from a spot on Fox News? The only difference is the scroll bar (which allows us to know everything that is going on at any given time, something I would argue is not that important).

I could go on for a very long time, but I won't. All I will say is that I refuse to allow the people who create this kind of obsession (Journalists? Me? Hollywood? Rupert Murdoch?) to get my business anymore.

On a lighter note, the new show Studio 60 is BRILLIANT. It is dealing with a lot of these issues, albeit in a superficial way and under the guise of the typical sardonic television show that is popular these days. But it is saying something, and pushing some buttons, and I LOVE that. And Amanda Peet and Sarah Paulson are spectacular, too.

pearly whites, good films, and mini vacations

2006-09-28T12:42:00.000-06:00

Although life has been hectic and stressful since school started again, I am really enjoying my job, my class, and life in general. Today has been nice. It began with a visit to the dentist, which really should not be the start to a great day. But it went well, my teeth are shiny and new, and there were a lot less problems than what I had anticipated. The hygienist was a nice older lady, and she was very diligent in her hygiene duties. She gave me all of this advice for taking care of my teeth, and I love the feeling of a clean slate (quite literally).

Then, just a little while ago, I came across an announcement for the Laramie Film Society. Surely a small organization, but I was excited anyway. It's only $15 to join, and I get to watch movies and discuss them- which is like candy for me. It reminds me of New York (I know I bring up New York WAY too much), because I took a class that was involved with the Media Educators Association, and I got to see movies before they were released, in a midtown theater with snooty New Yorkers. Sweeet. It also gave me the opportunity to bring Mike to the premiere of the movie In America, and Bono (yes, that Bono) was there. I have pictures to prove it. I may even put the pictures on my new Flickr site (shameless plug).

But the best thing about today is that it is my Friday- I'm taking tomorrow off, and I am so glad that I am. I need a little bit of a break. Last week was one of the worst for me at work. But taking tomorrow off means that I need to get everything done today, which means that I should stop blogging...

idol

2006-09-21T22:15:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite blogs has a link to the ever-wonderful music video Step By Step by the ever-lovin New Kids on the Block (aka NKOTB, aka Old Men on the Porch to my dad who thinks he's hilarious). I watched it, and it wasn't just a memory coming back- it was an entire feeling. Suddenly that vest, those overalls, that feathery hair was all cool again, and it seemed entirely feasible that someone would mimic Michael Jackson's dance moves in complete seriousness. I remember how overwhelmed and excited I would get every time I saw them. I was the total stereotype.

Not only was I madly in love with almost every single band member at some point (except Donnie, never liked him), but I was completely OBSESSED. I had the earrings, the sleeping bag, the t-shirts, the school folders, the videos...everything. Actually, I remember a boy in my class liked them a lot too, and I vividly recall wondering in some abstract, elementary-aged way if he was gay.

I also remember imagining that I was married to Jordan Knight, and we had a daughter, and her and I had matching outfits. Seriously...what was wrong with me?? I can tell from my reaction to seeing them again that this was a huge part of my adolescence, but I wonder if it's healthy to have been like that. I guess most girls (how many guys?) go through that at some point- and I certainly had a strong imagination. Can't accuse me of not being creative.

why be athletic when you can watch athletes on tv?

2006-09-18T14:58:00.000-06:00

I watched The Amazing Race for the first time in my entire life last night. Why is it that I had seen full episodes of brainless reality shows (The Swan -remember that gem?, or the one about the bachelor who was pretending to be a millionaire- I can't even remember the name of it- Joe Shmoe or something), and yet I had never seen this one? The only one with a plausible premise, and I skipped over it.

Anyway, last night happened to be the first episode of a new season- I think. And I really enjoyed watching it- I even thought about signing Mike and I up for it the next time they are casting. That's an amusing thought: Mike and I on a reality show. As fun as it would be, I'm guessing neither of us would enjoy being on TV too much, if we ever even had the chance. But I bet we would fit some stereotype enough to be considered. (The casting directors are obviously looking for stereotypes: this season they've got the Muslims, the Indians, the gays, the cheerleaders, and the Kentuckians. Oh yes, the Kentuckians.)

I think we could have a chance to be on the show based on the fact that we are religious, or maybe because we're both scrawny, fairly unathletic people. I'm sure our attempts to scale a wall would boost ratings.

In any case, there are way too many good (or maybe not good, but addicting) shows on TV these days. Tonight is the first episode of that new show Studio 60, and I am way too excited to see it.

the school experiment

2006-09-14T16:29:00.000-06:00

The best thing about Mondays and Wednesdays for me is the fact that when I walk to my class in the afternoon, the kids from the lab school are just getting out for the day. (Lab school: the university's own grade school, where education students can essentially practice their teaching skills. The idea is a good one, but the name is just terrible- I imagine mice in pinafores, taking apples to their teachers.)

Although the name could use a revamp, I love getting to see all the little elementary-aged kids at the end of their day, telling their moms or dads about what they did, sometimes trucking home some project they worked on, usually hefting around a backpack that is almost bigger than them. I miss those days, when I would get home at 3, and eat a snack and watch cartoons. But I am excited that someday I will be the mom with the snack, asking how the day went.

A guest post

2006-09-11T23:24:00.000-06:00

Last Sunday, Mike gave the sermon in church. Some people who heard it thought that it should be distributed to a wider audience. Since a sermon might be difficult to publish in the paper, we thought it might be nice to post it here. It's still in rough form, as these are Mike's notes. I hope you like it.

September 10, 2006

John 3.13-17 and Galatians 6.11-18

Tomorrow, we commemorate the fifth anniversary of the WTC and Pentagon attacks

I am sure most of us can remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when we first heard the news

As Americans, we rightly mourn the loss of life on September 11 in New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington DC

But, as Christians, we are called to something far beyond only mourning the loss of life on American soil

As Christians, we are called to mourn the losses of our enemies as well, and the harm brought upon their families and properties

As Americans, our loss may be greater, but as Christians, the loss of every life is the same

“For God so loved the world….” And we must do the same.

As Americans, or any other nationality, we tend to root for the home team, so to speak—we rejoice in our national victories, and we are sad for our losses

And rightly so

But both the Gospel and the Epistle today call us to something more, something far beyond our identities as American citizens

Both readings remind us of our identity as Christians:

The Gospel reading and the words of St. Paul today set up an image by which Christians must now live their lives—it is the image at the front of every Orthodox Church on the other side of the altar: it is the image of the Jesus on the Cross

It is the image of one who forgives rather than rebuke

Of one who accepts what he does not deserve

Of one who chooses self-sacrifice instead of anger and retaliation

Both St. Paul and the Gospel set up this image of the Crucified Jesus as the image we must imitate as Christians, but more than that, Paul even tells us that we have nothing to boast of except the Cross of Christ

As citizens of the world, we are usually inclined to boast of our achievements, and of our victory and strength—two things which the Cross does not seem to offer

For example,

We have seen terrorist groups and the enemies of this country boast of the victory of September 11

We have seen our commanders boast of victory in Afghanistan: the Taliban was quickly routed and free elections soon followed

We have seen our president boast of victory in Iraq: “Mission Accomplished”

We have seen Israel boast of its victories over the Palestinians and the Lebanese

We have seen Hamas and Hezbollah boast of their victories against Israel

In all of this, we see people boasting of victory, of military might, of destruction, of conquering of enemies

But Paul offers us strong words today, the day before our five-year anniversary:

In his words,

“May I never boast of anything except the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.”

For us, as Christians, because this image of Christ Crucified is our paradigm, is our concise picture of God and his work for this world,

We must redefine the things of which we boast

Like Paul, we must boast of victory, yes, but our victory has been wrought through Christ giving himself up for us and for the life of the world

Victory has been brought through peaceful self-sacrifice

Yes, we must boast in power, but specifically the power of God, the power of God that has been most fully revealed in his ability to be crucified

Yes, we must boast in the destruction and conquering of our enemies, but our enemy is death and the consequences of sin

Most prefer to boast of strength, whether it be military or political strength

But we ourselves must boast—as odd as it sounds—we must boast of our weaknesses, as St. Paul says

But why should we boast of our weakness when everyone around us boasts of strength?

Where is it that we pray the most to God? In times of certainty in which we are in control, or in times of uncertainty in which we are not in control?

I would guess we usually pray to God the most when we feel lost and do not know what to do

And that is why Paul says we must boast in our weaknesses, in our weakest moments—because it is in our weakest moments that we tend to leave the most room for God to work

And for Paul, that is worth boasting of

This is how Paul puts it at the end of his Second Letter to the Corinthians,

“So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.”

So as Christians, our standard of conduct is the Cross and nothing else

The model set up for us at the front of the church is a model of forgiveness, mercy, and a God who “so loved the world,” that the world may “have life”

For he came to “save the world and not to condemn the world,” as the Gospel today says

And as such—as people whose standard is the Cross and everything that it entails—we are to define ourselves as Christians, disciples of the Crucified Jesus, before we define ourselves as Americans or any other nationality

Thus, as our God “so loved the world,” so we must also mourn the loss of life everywhere, and then, perhaps, as Americans, we may rejoice in our own national victories

As Christians, we have the chance to be the best and most faithful of American citizens, but as Christians, we must be something so much more

There is an early Christian document, a letter written to the Roman Emperor Diognetus not more than 100 years after Jesus, that makes this last point very clear

The author of this letter is on the defensive, answering the charge that Christians were bad citizens, and therefore bad for the Roman Empire

Describing Christians everywhere, this is what he says:

“Christians live in their own countries, but only as aliens. They have a share in everything as citizens, and endure everything as foreigners. Every foreign land is their homeland, and yet, for them, every homeland is a foreign land…. They busy themselves on earth, but their citizenship is in heaven. They obey the established laws, but in their own lives they go far beyond what the laws require. They love all men, and by all men they are persecuted…. They are put to death, and yet they are brought to life. They are poor, and yet they make many rich… They are dishonored, and in their very dishonor they are glorified; they are defamed, and are vindicated. They are reviled, and yet they bless.” (Diognetus 5.5-15)

As these words described Christians of the ancient world, I hope they will continue to describe Christians of the modern world as well.

An unexpected reflection

2006-09-06T11:39:00.000-06:00

With the imminent 5th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon comes much remembrance, documentation, and even speculation in the media. News groups are interviewing small towns who lost members of their community in the tragedy, email forwards on the topic are becoming more frequent again, and even PBS had a special last night about the structural engineering of the twin towers.

I wouldn't have expected to write about this topic- what more can be said? It was certainly horrific, and no words really do it justice. I would argue that words like freedom, hero, and terror have changed forever, and that to me these words mean nothing anymore, now that they have become so hackeneyed and manipulated, especially by our government. I would argue that point, if I were in the mood to talk politics. But I'm not.

Last Friday night, Mike and I watched a special on Dan Rather for a little while. Of course, the coverage of September 11th, 2001 is a giant notch in his journalistic belt, and when they replayed the familiar footage of people gaping back at the burning buildings while simultaneously running in the other direction, that horrible feeling of despair filled my stomach again. But it was different this time- as I pointed out to Mike. This time I saw the Empire State Building, my own office building for a time, engulfed by smoke, smoke that came from 30 blocks away. And now I see New York City as my city, and I remember the streets, and I know the people, and the attacks feel so much closer. I can imagine the people of New York, bustling through the subways, just trying to get to their offices, maybe holding a door open for someone, or maybe giving someone the finger- and in a split second all attention was directed to this one place, where something horrible was happening. And for a very short time, everyone felt bonded. The entire country clung together, trying to make sense of what had just happened.

But soon the reaction became angry. I remember a friend of mine saying that the U.S. should just not allow anyone in its borders anymore. I remember the relatively quick path to war with a country that our president has now admitted had nothing to do with these attacks. I remember the arguments about racial profiling in the airports, and the fear that began to grip everyone, constantly. In a way that is not morbid, I long for the time right after those attacks, when Americans, and those visiting America, and the rest of the world watching, came together to mourn and to care for each other.

There are a few conversations that I had with New Yorkers in my time there that stand out in my head. I remember when the attacks on the twin towers would somehow come up in conversation, and suddenly anyone who was in New York that day wanted to remember their story and tell me about it. And there was always this tone of humility and sadness in their voice, much like the tone of the entire country in those few moments before we went ballistic.

Last night we watched the movie Gangs of New York, which I believe was in many ways Martin Scorcese's response to 9/11. The entire movie draws out plots of anger, hatred, and revenge, until the end when there is a split second in which you realize how silly the conflicts are in the face of much greater danger. The last scene of the movie shows the evolution of New York City in the last 100 or so years, coming to a final shot of the twin towers, and to me this shot is a call for peace. All of these fights that we face, or provoke as the case may be, are nothing in the grand scheme of things. Are these the kinds of causes that we really want to die for?

Crap on a stick

2006-08-31T22:14:00.000-06:00

Why is it that every evening this week has slipped away, with almost nothing getting done? Thank the Lord that tomorrow is Friday, but really I should have more to show for it. I think that work is busting my butt so badly that I am getting nothing done at home. And right now I am sleepy and completely uninterested in the cleaning list that I just made. Guess what I'll be doing with my Friday night?

I found out that I have to take some time off work soon, because I have accrued too much overtime (our overtime gets paid in time off). Nothing would gladden my heart more than taking tomorrow off, but alas there is WAY too much going on at work for me to ditch out. I wonder if I sound as whiny and poopy as I feel.

Ohhh, back to school

2006-08-28T14:50:00.000-06:00

This is certainly a first day of school.

Last night I bought school snacks at the grocery store, even though I'm not really a student.

I woke up on time today- as I always used to one day out of every school year (the first day).

The level of noise outside of my office has drastically increased because of all of the students milling around.

Someone made some kind of food for lunch that caused the entire area near my office to smell like a school cafeteria. Jealous?

In ten minutes I will head to my one and only class- Arabic. This may be like most other classes in my life: I will be enthusiastic about it for approximately one week, then I will just do whatever I can to skate by with a B. (this is not something I'm proud of.) Although this class may prove to be different. The subject matter is different, and I have always enjoyed studying languages. And of course this one will have immediate effects on my life. Now Mike can't ask his mom in Arabic how to make me creme brulee on our anniversary. I will know what he's saying.

Let me take you to the gun show

2006-08-25T12:16:00.000-06:00

I've had this picture of myself on my cell phone for the last 3 years:

One of my fellow nanny friends took it for me- we were hanging out in Central Park near a playground in the early stages of summer, when it was just barely nice enough to wear a tank top. (Now I have to wonder why we were hanging out near a playground during our time off from being nannies, but I also wonder why we went to 3 different Mexican restaurants that day, namely to visit Mr. Corona and Ms. Margarita.)

The thing I can't get over is how muscular my arms were! I can't stop staring at them and drooling. I am so jealous of my three-years-ago self. This is my goal- I need to somehow fashion a device that will hang this picture in front of me when I work out so I can get back to sexy muscular arms. The three-years-ago poofy humidity hair can stay in the past where it belongs. But the arms? They're coming with me.

One problem- the arms are mostly due to not eating well, feeling horrible about my life, and lifting a toddler approximately 437 times a day. I usually hung out with my nanny friends on Friday nights, and I can't even count how many times they pointed out to me that I was looking thinner. It was nice to hear, but the road getting there is one I never want to take again. I am so much happier in my life (namely my job) now, and I am happy with my body the way it is. But I do like to stay fit and see results, that's for sure.

I feel no nostalgia for the situation that I was in when this picture was taken, but I always miss New York a little bit. It is like the crackhead loser of a boyfriend that so many girls stay with for no good reason. I love New York, but it used me and took my money and was completely ungrateful. Why do I love you New York? I'm even hoping that we will be near you again next year- what's wrong with me?

Hunchy McSloucherson

2006-08-24T11:20:00.000-06:00

Life is full of so many mysteries. For instance, I can't understand why people go to the gym to work out, and think that they are doing themselves a service when they hunch over the machine like they are a cat that's about to cough up a hairball. Seriously, I wish I had a picture of this phenomenon, because it really happens all the time.

Of course, I am no expert when it comes to physical training. I'm sure I have my own bad habits. And I have terrible posture most of the time- but I have the wherewithal to keep my back straight when I am working out! It is the most sensible time to be completely aware of your body and really control what it is doing. This is just my humble opinion, but when you work out on a machine you should look like this:

Not this:

Granted, these are only general suggestions- I personally would have to have my hair pulled back when it is as long as that chick's, and I certainly don't look as perky and chipper as her when I work out. But the hunching over the bike or treadmill seems so, oh, I don't know...counterproductive? And so many people do it! They are going to have strong legs and broken backs. So this is my message to America- stop slouching when you are at the gym.

On a side note, my workouts have been really great lately. I have been all motivated...weird, I know. And I saw a guy last night who bore a striking resemblance to Mr. Dewey from Saved by the Bell. What more could I ask?

Things that go bump in the night

2006-08-23T08:14:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite stories about my grandpa: he was grinding his teeth in his sleep while he was stationed God-knows-where during WWII. He actually woke up some of the other guys in his tent with the horrible sound, and the next morning when they were trying to figure out amongst themselves what the racket was, my grandpa offered up the opinion that it must have been the palm trees rubbing together, knowing in his mind that it was his teeth mercilessly pushing against each other. And this was a plausible explanation- that's how bad his grinding was.

Is teeth-grinding (or bruxism, as it is scientifically called, which I learned in my recent research) a genetic problem? Because I have had the problem for many years now, and it seems like it might be getting worse. Generally, wearing a "nightguard" while you sleep at night should protect your teeth, and some people even say it curbs the problem. But I think I might enjoy (in some sick subconscious part of my brain) having something to mash my teeth into, and I think it is adding to the problem. Plus, now I am waking up in the morning with a sore jaw, and sometimes even a headache.

It's sure pleasant for Mike too. One time he even compared the sound to a dog chewing a frisbee. Mmm...attractive.

I think a lot of it has to do with stress and with holding in anger or frustration. This is apparently my release for all of it. Except it's not helping. I would like to figure this problem out. Last night I tried a "relaxation technique" before I fell asleep, and I actually slept terribly and still ground away. Now if only I could find some palm trees to blame it on....

Happy one year!

2006-08-21T15:52:00.000-06:00

Here's to a very good year.

I've been known to make bad decisions in my life, especially in the relationship department, but this one is proving to be one of the best of my life. I hate to be cheesy, but I (we) have been very blessed. I love my boy.

How low can you go?

2006-08-20T20:53:00.000-06:00

I am ashamed to say that I just watched over half an hour of the Teen Choice Awards. But I can't tell if I am more ashamed that I didn't know half of the celebrities on it, or that I knew the relationship status of the other half.

After seeing this spectacle of materialism and shameless marketing and thinness, I feel sorry for teenagers nowadays. And it's probably just going to get worse. And I am probably going to sound like even more of an old dork as the years go by.

Although Dane Cook was a host, and that was cool....

I am in age limbo! I still want to be a kid and get excited about all of the guys who show up on the cover of Teen Beat (does that magazine even exist anymore??), but now I have a conscience and I think about how easily kids are sucked into this whole pop culture. Maybe it is more of a philosophy limbo, and part of me wishes that I just didn't think about it so much....

If only the rest of the world were as smart as me

2006-08-18T12:50:00.000-06:00

I can't help but think, after the last several weeks of conflict in the Middle East, that Israel's government is just a big group of whiny babies. Even now, they are hindering efforts for peace and resolution in Lebanon.

The latest bout of whining is coming from their desire to prevent the inclusion of any UN troops who come from countries that do not recognize Israel's right to exist. Seriously, how logical is it for a group of UN peacekeepers working within a larger organization to start something with a country that just demolished enother entire country? One of the countries that is being mentioned in this argument is Indonesia, and after the last couple of years they've had, I doubt they want to be getting into any wars.

And during the conflict, the reports coming from Israel were often about children suffering from heightened stress because of the bomb sirens. Keeping in mind that almost 1/3 of the victims in Lebanon were children, I don't feel too bad for Israel's stressed-out kids.

And the U.S. administration is full of illogical, backwards-thinking crazy people. They sped up weapons delivery in Israel and vetoed several attempts at a ceasefire resolution for the first several weeks, and now they will not provide any troops in Lebanon. A major reason for this is that there are already way too many troops in Iraq who have been there way too long. And don't even get me started on Iraq. The U.S. has been at least the indirect cause (and direct cause in many cases) of 50,000 deaths there. Our global reputation is becoming more and more of a joke every day, as we try to strike out fascist freedom-haters and spread the contagion of democracy one Middle East country at a time.

You know, if they would just let me do all the work, everything would be fine.

Ode to Saturdays

2006-08-17T08:53:00.000-06:00

If today were Saturday instead of Thursday, this is what I would be doing:

Just now waking up and rolling out of bed. Then making a big breakfast with fried potatoes, bacon, eggs with cheese and vegetables, maybe even muffins, and coffee. Then curling up on the couch with a crossword puzzle, a good book, or a movie. Then maybe thinking about getting going for the day.

But instead it is Thursday, and I am at work, fearfully glancing at my to-do list, which has become more of a collage of scribbled notes than an actual formulated list. And I am wishing that the loud trucks outside my window would please go away. And it is going to be a few Saturdays before I can make my big breakfast and be lazy, but that's alright. Students will be back in town soon, which is something I am actually looking forward to, because then the school routine will be back, and we can eagerly await the coming of fall, with the chilly weather, and the fallen leaves.

Surprisingly boring

2006-08-14T22:10:00.000-06:00

Things to do when you're home alone on a Monday night, loosely based on my recent experience:

1. Sit in front of your movie collection for 10 minutes and try to decide what to watch, because there is nothing good on TV.

2. Watch Ocean's Eleven.

3. Try to think of old friends to look for on MySpace.

4. Lock all of the windows.

5. Look at your arms in the mirror to see if they are muscular.

6. Go to bed early.

Le Cinema

2006-08-11T09:06:00.000-06:00

I have a feeling that the new movie, World Trade Center, is a bust. I just checked out some of the critics' reviews, and they are all lukewarm. It would be my guess that the movie really isn't too great, but no one wants to pan a movie that's about such a sensitive subject in Americana.

I only found out yesterday that the film was directed by Oliver Stone, which sparked mild interest for me. I really enjoyed JFK and Natural Born Killers, even if they do make me feel like I'm watching the artistic spawn of a paranoid schizophrenic. But ultimately I don't want to see how Hollywood can make money off of one of America's darkest days in recent history. Nicholas Cage? I like him, but come on- how much more stereotypical can you get- Nicholas Cage as a New York firefighter hero. Stone should have used actors who have yet to make a name for themselves, in my opinion.

I did just find out that Over the Hedge is in the cheap seats here- I might try to talk Mike into going to see that. It looks like a pretty humorous kids movie. Is it just me, or has the quality of movies lowered a few notches in the last few years? I think it might just be me- I am just more picky. I doubt that Ace Ventura, one of my favorites when I was younger, is really more of a comic gem than Talladega Nights. It just happened to come out at the right time in my life. But I need another movie like The Matrix or Kill Bill to really knock my socks off.

Some stats

2006-08-09T13:58:00.000-06:00

Deaths: 998 Lebanese; 102 Israelis

Injured: 3,493 Lebanese; 690 Israelis (not counting over 1,000 who were treated for shock- I'm guessing the number of Lebanese injured does not include this stat)

Damage:

Lebanese- 6,900 houses/apartments, 160 factories/markets/farms/commercial buildings, 29 airports/ports/water- or sewage-treament plants/dams/electrical plants, 23 fuel stations, 145 bridges and over-passes, 600km of roads (373 miles)

Israeli- 300+ buildings

The sheer numbers are horrific, ludicrous, mind-boggling. All because of 3 soldiers. 64 Israeli soldiers have died in an attack that began to save 3. In whose mind does this make sense?

And looking at the numbers more closely, it becomes impossible to argue that this is a proportional battle, or that Israel is defending itself. In fact, Hezbollah has been the only group so far to be willing to move towards a ceasefire. Why is it necessary to defend oneself against a group that has shown an interest in peace?

I don't understand how people can go so far to justify such horrible acts. Is this kind of political lunacy ever going to end?

Looking forward, and back again

2006-08-08T13:07:00.000-06:00

Did you know that you can get a certificate in fund-raising? You can. And I am on the lookout for a program that I can apply to for this certificate (preferably wherever we end up for Mike's PhD). International Orthodox Christian Charities has a job posted on their site for a Development Officer. I am not looking for a job right now, but when I noticed that they prefer applicants to be certified in fund raising, I thought it might be good for me to think about jumping into this development thing with both feet.

It is a wonderful feeling to have some direction in terms of a career. After getting an abstract, head-in-the-clouds kind of degree, I never thought I would be able to decide on one thing and pursue it. And actually make a decent salary. Money was typically not part of my vocational pursuits, but it has become more important to me now that I am married and intending on having a family someday. And now that I have a passport. I can travel internationally if I want to- I just need money. And professors don't tend to bring in much in the way of dough, so it will be nice if I am able to provide some stability and support.

The only thing that makes me nervous is the potential for jumping in with both feet and then realizing that I don't like the water I'm in. As far as I can tell, this work seems really enjoyable, but there are certain things about it that are a stretch for my personality. But I guess it will be that much more enjoyable when I can look back on hard work and difficult situations and feel like I truly accomplished something.

Probably the most round-about way to accomplish our task

2006-08-06T19:08:00.000-06:00

Mike and I have had some not-so-welcome guests come to stay at our home this whole summer. They refuse to leave, even when we spray poison on them or try to burn them out. No, I'm not talking about in-laws or some hippy friend who avoids getting a job and just lives on our couch. We have a hornets' nest underneath the back stairs outside our house. At least we think it's a hornets' nest. All we know is that we want it gone.

Last week we bought some spray to try and kill the hornets chemically. It is supposed to be best to do this in the evening when they are all there (probably spending time with their kids, reading to them and making sure they brush their teeth- I know we are horrible, inhumane people). But when you try to spray a nest with clear liquid when it is dark outside, it's difficult to know how effective you're being, or how many hornets you are angering. Unfortunately, we could tell the next day that our efforts had been quite fruitless. There were still dozens of hornets swarming around outside the nest at any given time.

So today, my brother-in-law Roy decided that we needed to try something else. He and Mike got the lighter fluid and some matches. They doused the ground under the nest with lighter fluid. They weighed down a paper towel with a rubber band, lit it on fire, and threw it to the doused ground from the safety of the kitchen window. They added more lighter fluid. Hornets began flying everywhere, and some could only crawl on the ground. I finally went outside to make sure that the house was not on fire. Roy came out to check too. Mike added more lighter fluid. The nest was charred black but it had not fallen yet. I decided that it was time to try to spray the nest down with water. I sprayed for a minute, then Roy took over, trying to defend himself from the hornets that were still able to fly by attacking them with a stream of water. The nest still didn't drop. Finally Roy hit it with a shovel while I continued to fend off angry hornets with water, and a giant chunk came down. We lit the whole thing on fire again. Then I took a couple of pictures, knowing I was going to want to write a blog about our adventures in extermination. This is what I got:

All you can really see of the hornets are little black dots, and in the second picture you can see the remnant of the nest behind the brick. There was no way I was getting closer to get more detail. It turns out that it didn't matter. About 3 minutes after I took these, as we were all standing there in our glory as nest conquerors and destroyers, I felt a sharp pain in my pinky finger and looked down in time to swat away a hornet that had just proceeded to sting me. OW. This was my first time to be stung by anything, and I think I panicked a little. I was so worried that I was going to have this horrible allergic reaction and die within the next 5 and a half minutes, that I wanted to go to the hospital right then and there. But Mike got on the internet to see what we should do, and I spent about an hour with ice on the wound and keeping it lower than the rest of my body (to keep the venom from spreading- boy did I enjoy seeing the word venom on the website that Mike found). Luckily, I am not allergic. My finger swelled and it is still a little sore, but amazingly I am still alive. The stinger didn't even get stuck, at least not that I could find. All in all, it's just another war story for me.

Oh yeah, and there are still dozens of hornets swarming around what used to be their home.

NYC is not the only place with quotable people

2006-08-04T14:17:00.000-06:00

Recently overheard on campus at the University of Wyoming:

"It's the, uh...'oh no I'm a samurai and I lost. Son of a b*&%h'."

This is what we in the industry call "Dingus"

2006-08-04T09:57:00.000-06:00

I just got an email from my husband:

"I just realized that my wedding ring fits very nicely into my ear."

Yes folks, he is an aspiring college professor.

Don't worry, I asked, and the ring is not stuck.

Mmm...music

2006-08-03T13:24:00.000-06:00

A few months ago my hubby discovered a great music website called Pandora. It is similar to the system that Yahoo uses, only better. You can create stations based on what you like, and they will play that and music that is similar. From what I can tell, they have a really great expanse of different kinds of music, both mainstream and more independent (although I tend to stick to mainstream, so I am probably not the best judge of the indie stuff).

Today I have been sticking with my White Stripes station (named obviously after the first band that I added to the station), and I have been enjoying it immensely. At first my list of bands only included the White Stripes, Jet, and The Darkness, but then I added bands like The Strokes, The Killers, Weezer, and Radiohead. It's a good thing I have The Darkness on here, because it turns out that the only song I like of theirs is the one that became popular first, and the rest of their stuff makes me want to stab them in the throat a little. Glad I didn't go buy the album.

I'm realizing that I haven't been anywhere near as up to snuff with the music scene as I used to be. I never listen to the radio, mainly because the only pop station we get here is a mix that usually only plays mildly popular songs from the late 90's. And we get no alternative. I love that music has become so accessible on the web, because I don't know what I would do otherwise.

I haven't gotten into the whole scene of Death Cab and Postal Service and all of those bands- most of what I've heard is too mellow and makes me want to fall asleep. But I do really enjoy The Killers and The Strokes- good stuff. I also just discovered that I like Ok Go- I even found a video of them dancing on treadmills that cracks me up, and the more of their stuff that I listen to the more I like. If anyone has any other recommendations for me...please, do tell.

This blog is probably horribly boring for anyone who isn't me.

P.S. You can search for my stations on Pandora via my email address.

I need some wheels

2006-08-02T14:24:00.000-06:00

It is certain now: I am unequivocally, without a doubt, way too dependent upon having a car.

We have been without a car for the last week and a half, and it is going to be another week and a half before we have one again. We decided to fix the car that we have now, and shell over a hefty sum to replace the transmission. Partly because we didn't find anyone who was very interested in buying a '95 Grand Prix sans transmission for a price that we found high enough. Also partly because the car we are most interested in getting next is the new Honda Fit, and it turns out that due to popularity and scarcity, we could be on a waiting list until January for one of those. So, the old car is getting picked up tomorrow, but will probably not be fixed until the weekend after next. Suck a duck.

For the most part, I am getting around perfectly well without a car. Work is close by, the grocery store is within walking distance (we just can't get much at once), and I can even go downtown if I want. But we have to get a ride to church, and anywhere else that we might need or want to go that just isn't close enough. And I think that I really don't like having to get rides from other people. In fact, I think I hate it. I don't like to have to ask for things from other people, I like to be independent, and I like to control my schedule. I think I also just feel bad, like I must be putting people out by having to ask for their help.

I can already feel myself over-analyzing this part of me, so I will just stop now. I guess I either need to live in a place where the public transportation is fantastic, or always have a car, or let this be a learning experience for me. I know that I can be pretty self-centered sometimes, and self-deprecating other times, and I guess this forces me to pull out of myself a little bit. Either that, or it's time to take a class on how to fix cars.

Hey flowers, you're real subtle.

2006-08-01T10:33:00.000-06:00

So, I am looking at floral arrangements in order to send something for my boss' mom's funeral, and I come across this one:

At first I didn't realize what it was, until I read the description, and found out that it is actually called a "broken heart". Call me crazy, but it just seems a little too obvious, or tacky, or something. I'm still trying to figure out what the green leaves might signify. "When you died, you broke my heart, and then ripped it out of my chest and threw it in the grass!"

I think I will keep looking....

I See You

2006-07-31T16:27:00.000-06:00

What I do love about Laramie is that the stretch of hot weather that we've been having (meaning 3 consecutive days that were above 85 degrees) has given way to cool, mild, even rainy weather. It is currently below 70, and sprinkly.

What I do not love about Laramie is that so many people here feel that it is a source of pride to have a car (sorry- vehicle) that is loud and obnoxious. I have lost count of how many times Mike and I have had to yell for a few moments while we sat at a light next to Captain McHummer and his brand new hemi, or we had to rewind a movie because someone driving by our house was able to drown it out with their absence of a muffler. Yes, congratulations to you and your ability to drive loudly. Now please stop ruining my eardrums and my environment.

But please do check out my picture with my pretty new glasses. I am adding it to my profile right....now.

2006-07-28T14:24:00.000-06:00

I consider myself a fairly normal person, but I do have a few habits that could be considered a little on the crazy side. One in particular, that I am sure has to either be the result of some traumatic childhood experience that I have since repressed, or the beginnings of a very serious compulsion, has to do with checking my zipper. Every single time I go to the bathroom, I have to check my zipper at least twice to make sure that it is zipped when I leave the bathroom. I can be wearing clothes that don't even have the slightest chance of having a zipper, and I will still check to make sure that my zipper is zipped.

Like I said, this may be the result of some horrible instance of a downed zipper in my past, but I doubt it. I can vaguely remember someone telling me to "XYZ PDQ" (examine your zipper pretty darn quick!), but it's unlikely that any such instance was a scarring, emotional, life-changing moment. Granted, all embarrassing experiences are scarring, emotional, life-changing moments when you're going through puberty and desperately trying to be cool. But I still think that maybe I am just crazy.

The funny thing is, usually I will check to make sure that my zipper is up as I am walking out of the bathroom. So, theoretically, someone could see me with my hand in a weird spot and think much odder thoughts than "oh, she must be checking her zipper". If I am trying to cover up some possible future embarrassment of being caught with my zipper down, I am only trumping it with another situation that is potentially much more embarrassing. If only I could think so logically as I am leaving the bathroom.

This is where my mind wanders to on a Friday afternoon.

2006-07-26T12:52:00.000-06:00

So, I just stumbled upon another blog through a link from one of my favorite blogs. It's www.shapeofamother.blogspot.com.

I had no idea....

For as many children and moms I have been around in my life, I had no idea the kind of havoc that having a child wreaks on your belly. I guess I just assumed that with a little exercise, the body snaps back into normalcy and life goes on. I mean, you see actresses and models out on the beach in bikinis just months after having a child. At least I think you do- now I'm not so sure how that's possible. The women featured in this blog go through some serious changes in their bodies when they are pregnant. Most of the photos of bellies somehow remind me of jellyfish.

It all makes me a little nervous about the whole pregnancy thing. Maybe we should just have a dog and be done with it. Ok, so I'm not even close to half serious about that. I have always known that I wanted kids, and the way that it affects my body is nothing to consider when stacked up against the thought of creating life and raising a child. Heck, I will just be grateful to know that my body is capable of carrying a child- that's something to worry about more than the effects of pregnancy.

Something else I liked about the site was that someone posted a music video from Pink, called Stupid Girl I think. I didn't really know the song and had never seen the video, but it's good. It's nice that some of the female artists at least try to be the voice of reason in the midst of so much concern over weight and clothes and tan and all that. I think she even makes a jab directly at Jessica Simpson, and that was pretty amusing.

Considering how often I am inclined to write about pregnancy or having kids on here, I think my blog may be much more interesting when I do have kids- there are always plenty of stories to tell then.

2006-07-25T15:23:00.000-06:00

Nothing like stale chow mein noodles for an afternoon snack.

2006-07-24T21:56:00.000-06:00

Mike just found an article on BBC's website about a woman who is taking refugees into her home in Lebanon. Her name is Nadya Azar, or Mrs. Azar. Heh, I am a Mrs. Azar too. Weird. Apparently Azar is like the Smith of Lebanon. I've got a big family.

Last week our car's transmission broke, and we are still trying to decide whether we should fix it and use the car for another year, or buy something new now. I think it depends whether or not we find someone who will buy a car without a functional transmission for a reasonable price. Luckily we can take our time on this since we can walk to work and get around to most places on foot. The only problem is that I still haven't seen Pirates of the Caribbean, dangit. And the theater is too far to walk to.

We will probably get a Honda whenever we do get something. I used to have a Honda and I took it for granted- then it got crunched up in an accident and I got a Saturn to replace it, and the Saturn was a P.O.S. Hondas are great cars once you have something to compare them to.

Right now we have no idea what we will be doing next year- we don't even know for sure that we will still be in the U.S. This is why it is difficult to get a car or a dog right now. In some ways it's a bummer, but on the other hand it is very exciting to wonder where we will be next. I don't like leaving good people, good jobs, and good neighborhoods behind, but I love getting to know new places.

2006-07-21T10:54:00.000-06:00

I feel like I need to acknowledge the conflict that is going on in the Middle East. For posterity- I want to be able to look back and see how I felt about it and what Mike and I went through. For catharsis- maybe if I try to formulate my thoughts then I will feel better about things. But I feel like if I start to talk about it, my thoughts will go on for pages and pages.

I am coming to believe more and more strongly that my own beliefs and ideals and hopes will never ever fit into any kind of political or international relations philosophy. I am personally a pacifist to the extreme- I don't want my kids to have toy guns or make gun noises, and violence of any kind just cuts me to the core (except in movies- for the most part I can separate that into the make-believe category and I can appreciate things like martial arts or tactical strategies or whatever). But I am hoping that what is going on right now in Lebanon, Israel, and Gaza will begin to make everyone think twice about the way certain countries are handling terrorism (and all of the other agendas that they have in going to war).

I am so tired of hearing the broken-record cliche that "Israel has a right to defend itself". Is this becoming comical to anyone besides me? Can you really characterize what they are doing as defense anymore when it is so clearly an unbalanced fight? If military force really is the only option for maintaining peace, then it's just going to go on forever and ever. Israel (and the U.S.) are just making more and more people angry, and it's only a matter of time before there is more retaliation. Unless these powerful countries gain control of all of their enemies and subdue them completely, they are just going to have to continue to fight. It's a lose-lose situation.

I would really love to see some leadership with integrity around these parts. It doesn't seem like Bush can talk without sounding defensive, maybe because he knows how asinine his actions have been. I don't know. And it scares me how leaders can justify all of these actions with religion (some say that what is happening right now is fulfilling prophecy). It scares me because I've been in that camp before, and it's not exactly intellectual.

Mike's family in Lebanon decided to move north in the last few days to get out of the worst of it. This time around, I feel all of this so much more closely because of the family that I am worrying about and the people that I feel close to just by proxy. But I do think that the Israelis are victims also- everyone in that area seems to be victims of rage, extremism, and pride. It's hard to watch.

This week has been pretty awful for many reasons. I wanted to write a blog about our trip to SLC last weekend, but I don't feel like it. I will say that the hotel we stayed in was amazing, and we had a grand piano made out of chocolate waiting for us when we got to the room. I am trying to include the picture of it, but I'm having issues.

Unfortunately, no Sundance goodies for me. But we had a great time, and I got better at "networking", which was my big accomplishment for the weekend. The Mormon Temple is a pretty impressive piece of architecture, but it had walls around it, which seemed weird to me. But it's another city to add to my list.